Jeremy made a one day trip to Minneapolis today, he left before 6 this morning and will get back just after midnight. Even with this one-day schedule, I’m missing him this evening. I’m much more sensitive to his travel these days. The last few years I have really been fine with his travel. It’s not that often or that long, but it probably had worked out to 1.5 weeks per quarter. Sometimes I even had reveled in it, I get the whole bed to myself and I get to run the house just the way I want to run it (which means that we have scrambled eggs for dinner) and I think Jeremy also enjoyed having a room of one’s own – even it it was in a different city. But since I started being in the hospital, I’m more anxious and tired and needy. I usually work at the hospital on Weds, but Edda was off of school today because of graduation – the high school seniors graduate, but all the teachers go to the ceremony downtown and they shut down the whole school and I had to be home with Edda. I had a patchwork of childcare during the day, I managed to get some non-hospital work done.
Vince was elected to be the senior patrol leader of his scout troop. He made a lovely speech (according to Jeremy since I wasn’t there). I think he’ll be a good leader. I’m impressed.
Vince is going canoeing this summer. He’s going with a scout troop from Atlanta to the Boundary waters in Minnesota/Canada. I found the other troop via an email list, so I haven’t actually spoken to them, but I have exchanged many emails. Is it OK to send your son into the wilderness with people we haven’t ever spoken to? I hope so. We are doing exactly one prep outing for this canoeing trip which happened this weekend. Jeremy’s pal Ben owns a number of canoes which came in handy for this practice.
They have to portage which means you flip the canoe upside-down so you can walk over the dry parts that you can’t canoe over. I’m not sure Vince is on this particular itinerary, but the longest portage at Northern Tier is 3 miles. That’s a lot of miles to walk with a canoe over your head.
To preserve the shorelines, the scouts must do wet and dry landings which means they don’t pull the canoes across the shorelines. They get in and out of the canoe when they can see the bottom of the lake from the canoe. This means that your shoes are always 100% wet and your pants are also pretty wet. Vince happily tested out his gear.
I’m lucky to have Memorial Day weekend off! We have been shopping like crazy at REI getting Vince and Jeremy ready for the summer outings. Vince owns an unprecedented four pairs of hiking boots. Waterproof, water shedding, ice/snow and regular hiking boots? Everyday Jeremy asks me – can I buy a new pack? The other one gives me shooting numbness down the front of my legs that lasts for days. Can I buy some quick dry pants? Yes. Can I buy a synthetic sleeping bag even though we have down sleeping bags? Yes. I tell him to stop asking me these questions and just buy the damn things. This is exactly what I save my money for. I don’t buy clothes, I don’t get my hair colored, I don’t go shopping for fun. I save my money to buy four pairs of hiking boots for my family. Vince is channeling his inner Steve Irwin he said.
Louisa stayed at the house on Thursday night so that she and Jeremy could head up to Bard to join in on the graduation ceremonies. There were final concerts to attend and awards for Bob to receive.
Meanwhile, the kids went to school on Friday and I worked from home. Nat came over at 6 to take care of Edda while I went out to see the Usual Suspects. This is a super rare occasion – like a blue moon and a four leaf clover and a lucky penny all at once.
The next day, I mowed the lawn, cut Edda’s hair and went to Montgomery Mall to have lunch and do some gift shopping for…
Jane’s graduation party. Jeremy and Louisa made it home just in time for us to climb back into the car to celebrate Jane’s graduation from Maryland. What do you sing? We sang for she’s a jolly good fellow.
Hmmm, the days are going by so quickly. Another two shifts down, 6 to go. Of course, as soon as I decide to go part time, I feel like I’m starting to get more control of the situation. It’s still exhausting, but I’m friends with the docs now. I can see how care gets compromised. Let’s say you have this pregnant lady coming in complaining of abdominal pain. She is admitted under the general hospitalist care. But they need a surgical consult to see if they want to do surgery. So surgery – before they see her – tell her to stop eating, just in case they want to do surgery that day. They come in and see her, decide to not do surgery and then forget about her. But they forget to let her eat again. So the computer system is stuck. The kitchen can’t send food because she’s not suppose to eat anything. I can’t let her eat anything because I’m like – it says you can’t eat. I call the hospitalist and say – this pregnant lady hasn’t eaten in like 36 hours she’s not having surgery today, can I feed her? The hospitalist says – surgery has to decide. I keep trying to call surgery. The surgical resident (who, it takes me 2 hours to reach them because, duh, they are in surgery) says, there is nothing in the attending’s note that says anything about eating or not eating. I’m like – this pregnant lady hasn’t eaten in 36 hours, are we really not going to let her eat? The resident is like, yes, she’s not eating.
Jeremy & Edda both got walloped by a cold on Tuesday/Wed. Edda and Jeremy both went to school/work on Tuesday, but Edda came home on Tuesday night coughing and sniffling. That night, Jeremy started to feel lousy. I was at the hospital on Wed, so Jeremy and Ning sent Edda to school on Wed, but Jeremy was home sick and then got the call from Edda’s school to pick her up at noon. I have no idea why I’m not sick, because I have people coughing in my face ALL THE TIME. And all I can think about is – god I hope it’s not TB. I’m actually fine when I have a patient who I know has TB – because then they are in the negative pressure room and you wear the N95 mask and you kind of avoid their space as much as possible, but when someone is coughing and they are in a regular room and then you are not masked or anything, you are just kind of like – if it’s TB, I’m totally screwed. Jeremy does not like this line of thought.
The house is a complete disaster. I haven’t really picked up in 10 months now. It is just overflowing with crap. Crap is on the floors, crap is in all the closets. We can’t find certain crap, so then we have to rebuy crap to replace the unfound crap, thus doubling our crap. It is no good. And since Bob and Katherine are moving to Europe, we have asked to bring in things that aren’t crap at all, but deserve some attention which are all sitting in a metaphorical pile in the living room. I’m looking forward to cleaning up the house. In three weeks.
OK, only 8 more shifts until I go part time. This weekend was particularly bad. Don’t ever, ever, never get sick on a beautiful spring/summer weekend. The patient load remains the same, but all the workers call out and everyone is working short. Pharmacy runs behind and no one answers your call. ICU calls for a transfer and pleads for you to take the patient because they are overflowing and short-staff as well. At least on my unit, if we are short, you might have to sit in your own poop for a long time before someone comes to help you out, but if the ICU is short, it means that your ventilator isn’t being a carefully monitored as you might need/want it to be. I pride myself on being a good, fast worker, efficient, friendly, easy to get along with and I’m completely gobsmacked and flattened at 7:45pm when I’ve finally transferred my patients to the night shift nurse and I can gather my wits about myself. This was the week of nursing skills – sometime I can go a long time without doing the following things, but this week I did it all – NG tubes, wound vacs, dressing changes, Foleys, hanging blood, heparin drips, enemas, argh. Before I became a nurse, you have this feeling – huh? nurses just give out a bunch of pills and follow orders, how hard can it possibly be? OK. I need to stop complaining.
Jeremy went backpacking with the scouts this weekend gone from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. I missed him terribly because I was at the hospital all day on Saturday and came home to a house with a sleeping Edda and Eliana to say hello to and which is fine, everything is fine. But I realized that I can only take care of people all day and then I need to be taken care of for at least a little bit of time before I can do it all again. When I come home – usually Jeremy is there waiting with a plate of warmed dinner and a hug.
Jeremy said the camping went relatively well. Everyone should be able to handle the hiking at Philmont. There was a downpour on Saturday night and the boys kinda forgot to pack enough tents (long story) and a bunch of them got soaking wet.
F you self-hosted WordPress. I do not want to own my own website. I do not want to think about updating my WordPress to prevent malware attacks on my website.
I took Max to the vet today. She is not fat. I’m glad she isn’t fat, but the vet spent five minutes explaining how she isn’t fat which I thought was a little too much time explaining that – yes, everything is normal. After the vet told me she wasn’t fat, he proceeded to give her some spray can cheese which Max (to my knowledge) has never had and she was completely fascinated by it. There is a little scale that has visual cues about how thin/fat your pet is that the vet gave me printed out on a nice sheet of paper. She’s just like me – a little high on the normal weight scale. Always kind of wishing to lose 3-5 pounds. She does not have heartworms. I hope to not see the vet for another year.
Jeremy worked from home today, but today was bike to work day. So he biked to the Rockville Bike to Work Day celebration by the Rockville Metro. He added one more t-shirt to the pile of Bike to Work Day t-shirts we have.
Jeremy and Vince are going backpacking this weekend (in Pennsylvania) to train for Philmont and I’m at the hospital this weekend. Which makes it extra tricky regarding Edda. Eliana is going to stay the weekend and look after Edda, I have to (after this) set up the guest bedroom before I go to bed. Because Jeremy was working from home today and we aren’t going to see each other all weekend, we took a mid-day date to each at A&Js and then to Giant to buy supplies for the campout. The kids all plan and cook for themselves and then the adults usually appoint a person to plan the grown-up meal. But the last time turned out terribly because the person in charge of bringing the meals is just accustomed to eating about 50% of the calories of a normal person. So the grown ups on that trip might have ended up eating something like a rice cake with a slather of peanut butter and a slice of cheddar cheese for dinner. Everyone was unhappy (except perhaps the food bringer). Anyways, Jeremy needed to pick up some essentials to fuel his journey.
Sorry, long time no post. I’m still working at reclaiming my time – to be its master and not the other way around. I have about 10 shifts to go and I’m counting each of them down.
On Friday, Jeremy left to head up to Bard. Bob and Katherine are leaving Bard in a few months and as the school year ends the farewell festivities and moving logistics are keeping us occupied for a few long weekends. This past weekend, the Bard Conservatory orchestra held its final grand performance of the year and there was a party in Bob’s honor afterwards. This was on Sunday night which meant that we wouldn’t return until late Monday afternoon.
I worked on Friday and the kids went to school as well while Jeremy drove up to Bard with his bicycle and Maxi who was thrilled to be included on this trip. On Saturday morning, Jeremy raced the same race he did last year the Tour of the Battenkill and he performed exactly the same as he did last year. I think over the course of a 4 hour race, he was faster by 30 seconds. This was disappointing to him as he believes he’s in better shape than he was last year, but the kicker is that last year, he was on a course of steroids for a recurrence of Bell’s Palsy. Oh well, what can you do?
Saturday night, the concerts began:
So why didn’t all of us head up on Friday? Well we could have pulled the kids out of school on Friday and do the whole trip together, but Vince really wanted to go to Hershey Park with his scout troop. It’s just as well because the kids didn’t miss too much of school and I got a full work day in on Friday. Vince headed to Hershey Park early Sat am and Edda and I followed about 5 hours later. We had lunch at the Wegman’s in Frederick and browsed for an hour at a used book store.
I booked a Days Inn hotel in Hershey which was convenient and Vince got dropped off there at about 8 pm. The hotel did smell mildly like chocolate, but that’s fine.
On Sunday, Mother’s Day, we got up early and headed to Bard. I was slightly miffed at spending Mother’s Day morning in the car driving because driving is one of my least favorite activities, but it was not bad having my children trapped in the car with me. Vince and I interleaved songs on spotify which was fun. I did get Mother’s Day brunch when I arrived at Bard which was delicious.
Edda and I decided to not go to the concert – the one at the Fisher Center with two harps, timani and a children’s choir. But everyone else went, including Vince (I was surprised!)
And finally, the after party at Leon’s house.
And finally we said goodbye. Jeremy will be up again Memorial Day weekend and then a full week in June to help with moving. I don’t think I’ll see Bob and Katherine until summer of 2020 when we are trying to plan a trip to Europe before Vince heads to college.
Jeremy left this morning to head up to Bard. He’s planning to do a bike race tomorrow morning. He took Maxi with him which is a good thing because we got the carpets shampooed for the first time in a decade and it means that it’ll be at least 48 hours before someone (or somedog) pees on the upstairs carpet.
I almost did a “hat trick” or “grand slam” or whatever sports analogy I can’t come up with right on Tuesday which was to flip my whole team. My “team” is my group of 4-6 patients. It’s an easier day when no one is discharged or admitted, it’s harder when people come and go because there is a lot more paperwork/explaining etc. Usually only one or two leave and then one comes in on a shift. But halfway on Tuesday I realized I could have everyone leave and then have the beds fill again, it was kind of like a game of endurance and stamina and grit. I discharged 4 patients and got three in, and I could have done the 4th who rolled in at 6:50 pm- ten minutes before my shift ended but for some meddling by my charge nurse who thought he was being helpful by holding back the admission for night shift, but really was messing up my plan of pulling off this feat. Anyways, it was fun in a totally Type II kind of way. I usually average 5-6 miles a day at the hospital, but that day was 9 miles. And I did not feel like crying at any moment during that day.
Most of my patients are very nice and a breeze to work with. Some of my patients are annoying and know that they are annoying or are annoyed because they are sick/in pain or whatever – those people are fine too. The people that are the hardest to deal with are the annoying ones who think that they nice. OMG, they think they are totally being a reasonable person, but they are not. Whenever I work with them, I think – you must be a very difficult person to live with. I’m glad I’m not living with you.
Happy Nurses Week! I could get all snarky here about how they are rewarding us at work with carts of M&Ms & pringles (take only one please!) while having us worked understaffed, but I will set that aside. Actually, the president of the hospital walked around our unit on Sunday morning at 9:30 am and I think he went around generally unrecognized (a coworker was wondering why is this unfamiliar doctor walking around wishing everyone Happy Nurses Week!?) but since I’d been to orientation recently, I recognized him and gave a hearty hello and he thanked me for my work and he asked if there was anything he could do for me and I made some quip about having him take care of my patients today and he said he’d be ready to do that if I take over the admin of the hospital and we laughed. I told this story to Jeremy when I got home and he said – you didn’t say something about being paid more or working understaffed or having predictable schedules or any labor issues? I sighed and I said I was not ready to take that on at 9:30 on a Sunday morning. I’m lame, I know. The main thing I want to say about Happy Nurses Week is that I’m going part time at the end of the month and will essentially control my schedule from here on out – I made it 10 months full time with a huge logistical strain to the family and my own other interests – though nursing is a big interest of mine, so it was front and center for the whole family for 10 months. I’m still learning so much every day at the hospital, I find it challenging in all the ways I expected to to challenge me and I do find it rewarding even though it involves a lot of poop. I also often feel like I should quit because it overwhelming all the time. I thought when I started and knew I wanted to go part time, I’d drop to a day a week, but now I’m loyal to my unit (I have a good, kind boss and very good charge nurses) and I know that I’d need to practice more than that to keep it up and anyways, you need to kind of work two days a week to see how patient care is resolved or not resolved. We’ll see how it meshes with the family’s schedule. I am always baseline tired, I feel like I’m never fully recovered from work, but I’m happy (generally).
There was this article in the NYTimes about how husbands think that they are stepping up to do half the family work, but they really aren’t doing half of the work, but I want to say that Jeremy did so much work to make this whole thing possible for me. Almost all the logistics with child care and coordination for the kids, so much cooking and packing lunches and switching out pee stained clothes from Edda’s backpack and making sure school had diapers and all the things. Jeremy packs my lunch for me so when I need to leave the house at 6 am, it is possible for me to sleep until 5:45 am. And he usually cooks dinner and cleans up the whole kitchen afterwards. He did this all while managing his own tough situations at his work which at times were bad enough that he wasn’t sleeping well at night. I also am grateful to myself to care less about things. They mention in the article about women caring more about things like laundry or homework or whatever and I gave up caring a long time ago. First of all, Jeremy cares about laundry as much as I do. I will tell you I’ve left Vince’s laundry unwashed for six months when I thought he was old enough to do it himself. I stopped caring (it’s not actually that I stopped caring) so much about Vince’s homework. I did not sign up to access his grades. I do not know how he is doing moment by moment in his classes. I actually thought long and hard about his homework and college stuff and various other things like getting permission slips done in time or whatever and I decided that it was his job to do all that and if he needed anything that he’d have to find me. He’s old enough, it’s his job to figure that stuff out. And I forced myself to do that by being away from the house more. I thought it was more important to show him how I was pursuing the things I wanted to do and how the family (mostly Jeremy) accommodated that pursuit and less important for him to be forced to master all the details of AP physics which is what I would have made him to do if I had even one moment of spare time his whole junior year. No SAT boot camps, no college counselors which are rampant in the neighborhood. I want to say, I was only willing to do this because I know in the depths of my heart that Vince is a good kid and will be fine. I can’t say I would have parented a different child the same way. I can’t say I did it the best way, because who knows how it all will turn out. And it’s not to say I don’t get periodically anxious about it and fret about imaginged lost opportunities. He’s not doing school the way I would do school, but he also knows that I’m not parenting the way lots of other parents are parenting. He has friends that run the whole gamut from the ones gunning for Stanford/Harvard to the ones that are failing out and their parents are threatening them with boarding school. He can see how much they work and he can see how much their parents are or are not pushing them. Ah Vince! You are making it through your junior year, I’m so happy for you. Just a few AP tests and finals to go. And I’m also at peace with Edda and her own school situation. Could I be more involved? Insist on more things? Take on more of her care? I suppose so. I did very, very little of the hands-on-care for Edda this past year. I’m ok with that for now. I like the school and mainly I know what I wish for the most I can’t have.
May brings not only May Day (International Worker’s Day) and May 4th (Star Wars Day) but also Bike to Work Month. OMG it’s like May 6th and Jeremy’s already ridden something like 185 miles to work. I asked if it was included in the rules that you could take the “long way” to work and he said that the rules explicitly states that you can take the long way as long as you start from the house and end at work and then start your work day. This has resulted in a 75 mile ride to work last week. He has figured out that he has ridden about 18,000 miles on his bikes and this means that he has ridden a bike from here to Singapore and back. My husband is crazy.