Bug love, bug hug.

I spoke with Vince yesterday. He does call less now that he’s busy, but we try to talk at least once a week. The time zones make it hard, he wants to call when we are already asleep – this time we chatted when he woke up and I was the the Trader Joe’s parking lot. This time he asked if I would still love him if he was a bug – he said it wasn’t related to Kafka – it was an internet thing. As such, I did not know of this thing – but I answered and said I’d love him in any form, but I wanted to know if he would be a human sized bug or a bug sized bug? He said that he hadn’t thought about it that much. I said I would prefer a human size bug because then I would, generally, always be able to find him to give him a big bug hug. Or I could ask anyone on the internet – hey – where the that human sized bug now? And google would know.

Edda and Scarlett are still enjoying each other’s company. I was moody yesterday, hopefully a more productive/less moody type day today.


We look the same, no?

I was at the hospital yesterday. I was not expecting anything weird, but I ended up with both a new grad nurse on his last week of orientation and a student nurse. I didn’t quite understand that this was happening as the night turned into day, but when I finally came to my senses, I walked around whining to Bismark – the night charge – with these two people new-ish people trailing me, why me? (I usually get out of these things because I work so infrequently). And he said – well because you are a senior nurse and everyone else is busy. Hahahaha. So that’s what I did yesterday. Because the new grad nurse was 90% done with his orientation (he’s taking shifts by himself next week) I gave him all five of my patients and told him to start taking care of them and that I was available for any questions and I’d check behind him. And then I started bringing the student nurse with me showing her (with my extra time now that I had someone else essentially doing most of my job) all the things I found interesting as a student. It was an interesting day, I had a good time. The new grad nurse said it was the first time he was able to do most of the shift on his own and he gained confidence and I was always right there to answer any questions and still help people to the bathroom or do a few things like pick things up from pharmacy or security. The mix of five patients was perfect, interesting, but not too hard. Some standard challenges, but spaced well enough apart that the new hire can deal with them one at a time. I think for my trouble, I got an extra dollar and hour – so $12. Then Astra, the day charge, asked if I could work tomorrow (meaning today) and I said no.

Weekend update.

A nice quiet weekend – I think Jeremy and I are almost fully recovered. I coughed only once in the middle of the night last night.

I’m feeling old these days, I gave up Facebook and Instagram about thanksgiving last year. This past week, I had to delete youtube off of my phone. It’s those reels or shorts or whatever they are, they really get me. The things that last 10 seconds and then you flip past them. All the apps have them, I just hadn’t explored them very much on youtube, but once I started, somehow they just draw me in. I can’t control my time very well around it. And somehow, I feel more anxious when I do these things. But without all these apps, I miss photos of friend’s children doing nice things – being in France, playing music, playing with each other. I don’t know the tiktok songs/dances. It is, honestly, a somewhat big price to pay. A lot of chatting revolves around posts that people have posted or funny memes or whatever. I constantly feel out of touch, so now I’m less anxious, but I feel dumb and old. I’m not sure it’s better.

When I was young-ish, a middle schooler, I loved reading at night in my closet. I did it all the time when the house was quiet. I kind of want to do that again – all the time. I’d drag my comforters into the closet and shut the door and hang out with myself there.

Shift, Gorgeous, Monstera

I went to the hospital yesterday for the first day of work in almost three weeks. I took the time off because, well we were supposed to go on a trip, but instead I spent it with covid and I got well enough just in time to go back to work. I still have a lingering cough which can last for a minute and you know how to freak your coworkers out? to be coughing and coughing (n95) and then they ask if you are OK and then say – oh it’s no big deal, just the end of covid – don’t worry! it’s been like weeks. And it has been weeks now. I think constantly of quitting this job. Constantly. But it was a fine shift yesterday. I had only 4 patients at a time – a dream. Everyone needs so much fussing. We are all *still* so needy. Coaxing people into blood draws (coaxing the phlebotomist too! I tried earlier and they were so rude!) , calming them down from a panic attack, telling them what they want to hear, which is exactly what I want to hear whispered into my own ears in the middle of the night – I’m sorry it hurts so much/is overwhelming/is unfair. I’m here, I’ll take care of you, we’ll be here together now. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. This takes something out of me, I want to keep that energy for myself. To not give it away to someone else.

Vickey and I chose The Wonder for the next book in the two person book group. It’s been our selection for a few weeks now and neither of us has made it past page 15. The chapters are so long! I like a book with 4-8 page chapters. For a few days, I’ve been saying we need to move on to another book, this is not our book. Then on Wed we decided to try On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. Already 2 paragraphs in, I can tell I like it better than the Wonder.

Along with the decluttering of the house, I took all the underwatered, droopy plants in the house that were all shoved in a single corner and placed them around the house in spots that made it seem like I actually decided to put them there as decor and I started watering them regularly. And now I’m rewarded with an emerging leaf. I’m so proud!

Updates. Life goes on.

Look at this supercute photo of Donald and baby Edda. Katherine found it while she was sorting through some old photos – it was with a pile of photos I probably took from Thanksgiving 2004. A lifetime ago. I knew nothing.

We are still kind of recovering from covid. Everything is negative now, we still both have slight lingering congestion and Jeremy is still dealing with hives which are ok during the day, but come back at night and cause a poor night of sleep. Kind of a bummer, but also happy that it’s mostly over.

I went to a couple of appointments for Edda this week. On Monday, I went to get her blood drawn for a regular check up. We’ve never had any problem getting blood from Edda, but this was the first time I had three phlebotomists look over Edda’s veins before deciding which one to poke. They got it the first time (bypassing the common AC (the one in your elbow pit, generally the easiest) and going for one in the hand), but commented on her fine veins. I kind of shuddered imagining any hospital stay with IV antibiotics with blown vein after blown vein and lots of poking. Jeremy said – we’ll lets keep her out of the hospital.

On Tuesday, we met with the equipment people. I was trying to get a seat for the home with lateral supports for feeding. Edda tends to lean towards the left in a regular seat now, I’m trying to keep everything straight. I thought we were going to talk only about that, but we discussed a new wheelchair for her – she’s apparently outgrown her present one now (I was surprised, I thought we had the biggest one already) and also a gait trainer. The gait trainer is not to help with her gait, but to help her not fall and hit her head when she has a seizure. Her seizures have been great meaning non existent, but I’m still nervous to let her walk unattended for long periods of time.

Negative! kind of.

So I’m testing negative this morning. I still feel a glob of phlegm in the back of my nose/top of my throat. It’s not very mobile, it’s quite sticky, so I’m trying to drink water to loosen it up. If you hold this test up to the light, there is ever so slight of a line – but I’m taking this as not being very contagious which is good because we are done with our spring break – it’s back to work and school now. Edda has a bunch of appointments this week.

Jeremy is having a terrible time. Each time he has a viral infection and it resolves, then he’s hit with a course of hives. This one is pretty bad, he’s been waking up in the middle of the night with itchy/swollen hands. His face is swollen, there are hives all over his body. He’s gone through Benadryl, Claritin and now Allegra. I think Benadryl works the best, but it just knocks him out and he doesn’t like that. This is going to be more than 2 weeks of feeling bad for Jeremy. Poor guy. I think as he gets older, this weird reaction is getting worse.

Discouraged and TV.

Jeremy tested negative (finally) last night. I’m still testing positive today – honestly, I’m a bit bummed…if I use Jeremy’s timeline for myself, I won’t test negative until the 22nd. Maryland freed me from isolation on the 14th or so – but I still felt pretty sick then – that might have been the worst day. I feel good physically, I worked most of the day on Friday – though kind of slowly. No running yet for me. I will be well just in time to go back to the hospital for a shift. I know, I know – lots of people have lots of big issues and these are small issues compared to those, but we missed spring break, we are going to miss family Eastover dinner. We are both going to lose 2 weeks worth of training for our big races and it’s not just losing the training, but we’ve both detrained a lot. oh well. What is there to do? Honestly, I’m most happy that it seems that Bob and Kiki did not catch it from us for their one overnight stay. And our vacation rental was used the whole time by people we love.

The week was not an entire wash. I managed to correspond with our estate lawyer to make progress on our will (this has taken over a year because we are lame and who wants to think about death? no one.). We filed for guardianship for Edda this week with the Circuit Court. I got an appointment with the Social Security office in a couple of weeks (this involved 2 hours on the phone, mostly waiting). I’m grateful all these offices are less than 3 miles from the house. Edda has a new (old) iPhone, new iPad (birthday), new email address, new phone number. For this modern age, Edda needs all those for accounts, logins, etc. I cleared off a desk of old paperwork/bills and I managed to quilt a bit.

This is the scene from my spot in the bed. That TV was Vickey’s she bought 17 years ago for some enormous sum of money and she gave it to me when she upgraded many years ago. It bit the dust sometime last week and when I told Vickey – she said that the salesman said it would last at least 5 years, so it outlived his estimate by a long, long time. We don’t watch TV a lot (Edda is the main TV watcher in the family), but we do usually watch a single youtube video at about 9:00 pm (see the time? I’m missing a working TV right now) for about 15-20 minutes. Usually something silly, a cooking one or a travel one or a woodworking one or an animal one. But it’s when we’ve both put away our phones and discuss a little fun thing to watch. When Vince is at home, we often invite him over to crawl into the bed and choose with us – meaning he gets to decide and introduce us to some weird kid thing. At first, we weren’t going to replace the TV because I didn’t want to spend the $ for 15 minutes everyday. We were like – we can watch on a laptop – or one of our phones. But I missed it each night. So we are going to buy a TV for that spot and say goodbye to Vickey’s old TV (I did ask Vickey if she was ready to upgrade her TVs right now again (she has good taste in TVs) and she said – no, I’m good. lol.)

Boring updates.

Jeremy is feeling well enough to do some light workouts. This is what his test looked like today.

I spent most of yesterday resting and sleeping and I feel pretty good today. This is my test result this morning (disregard the dirty rug pls):

Someone asked if I was sicker getting Covid or sicker from the vaccine. For Jeremy, no question, was sicker from getting Covid. For me, it might be a toss up – I think the reaction from the shot was stronger, but was shorter. This illness will take a week for me to recover from. Eh, I think I’m sicker from Covid than from the vaccine. Anyways, I couldn’t get anyone else sick from the vaccine and this whole week I could have gotten someone sick which makes me feel bad. lI have mixed feelings about getting covid now. I feel a little disappointed because I managed to avoid it for so long – to get it now when the numbers are so low, I feel like I failed a bit. But I’m also a bit relieved because I know I got the most current variant and now have hybrid immunity, I should be protected for a bit until the next variant – which I estimate is 6-8 months. No need to get the 2nd booster.

The most boring spring break ever.

So I’m still sick. Everyday, we get up and we each do a rapid test. We are going through them rapidly (lol). Today Jeremy is almost negative. I’m still pretty strongly positive. I’m sick, but I’m not as sick as Jeremy was last week. I think somehow, this has changed my idea of what I should work through and what I should rest through. In before times, I would have doggedly gone through my days and worked full days at my present level of sickness and just felt “worn out”, but this week – kind of because I had already thought this was my spring break week and somehow because I have a test that gives me a clear purple line that says – hey dude, you are sick! – I did take the time off as sick time and I’m mostly trying to rest. I look back and think, why did I drag myself to work so many times not feeling well? I don’t know. There were whole semesters in college where I had colds that seemed to last for weeks which now I think was due to scrimping on sleep and that I wasn’t eating well and because I was so overworked, I just couldn’t kick the cold. Anyways, this covid will take a full week to get out of my system, I can tell it’s a sticky one, I’ve have had pretty much the same level of sickness for three days now. I hope it doesn’t turn into a long covid thing. I am doing small things, attending some work meetings where I have to only be there, I’m working on estate planning and bills, etc. But only at a lowish, slow level.

I feel very well taken care of, Jeremy is minding Edda (who is laughing and very happy and very negative) and he’s cooking me my meals. I’ve had people offer to get me food. Vickey send me a fruit bouquet which I was very surprised and excited to receive.

It’s wonderful that I don’t have to isolate from Jeremy, only from Edda. So he makes a delicious dinner and feeds Edda first and then settles her next to the tv and we eat dinner outside.

I’ve been able to give Jeremy a haircut.

Vince called yesterday and said – hey mom. And I smiled and said kind of pitifully, I have the ‘rona. And he said – I know, I’m sorry, I hope you feel better soon. I told him to wear his mask more and get tested himself and he may have kind of rolled his eyes. He’s having a good time. He hosted a dinner party last weekend. He’s planning on going to the beach next weekend.

He made sheet pan pizza for his friends which he says was super delicious. We talked about how expensive groceries were and how to host parties on a budget.

He looks and is happy. I can kind of see in him bits of myself, but also he is entirely his own person, figuring it out like the rest of us.

argh. now i’m positive.

So…because Jeremy was positive and Edda and I were both negative (PCR tested), we decided to do this week’s spring break trip without Jeremy. We were going to go to Asheville with Jeremy’s parents, their friends from NYC and our downstairs tenants and friends Ning, Brian and Noah. I rapid tested on Sunday morning – negative, so Jeremy’s parents came down for the night while Jeremy stayed hidden away and we were going to drive down today.

But! I tested positive this morning about 30 minutes before we were to leave. Waa, waa, waa, waaaahhh. Oh well. We sent Bob and Katherine on their own. Their friends are flying in from NYC. Ning and Brian are already halfway to Asheville visiting family this past weekend.

Jeremy did get quite sick from Covid this past week – with relatively high fevers and not feeling good. But I feel almost fine. Like 95-98 %. I’ve had a tickle in my throat since Sat night and a very intermittent cough/sneeze. I ran 8 miles yesterday (when I tested negative) with the same symptoms I have today. I hope I did not get Jeremy’s parents sick – I masked and stayed away from them for the few hours we were together yesterday. They got their 2nd boosters last week. We made it more than 2 years without getting sick – neither of us have gotten our 2nd boosters, though now there might not need to be a need.

Anyways, I’m in isolation now, and Jeremy is minding Edda. I took care of Edda all last week, I’m hoping I didn’t give it to her. I was pretty good about masking around her and taking turns eating so I was always masked feeding her. I think Jeremy is happy to have access to the kitchen again.