Look at this beautiful photo of Edda before we knew anything was wrong with her. Sometimes I feel like I was such an idiot back then, just living blissfully thinking everything was perfect and just worrying about – oh whatever regular parents worry about.

Last week Monday, a pal of Edda’s passed away from a huge seizure.  Of course, he had always had seizures, but seemed just fine (well, as fine as any severely disabled child can be fine) when he went home on Friday from school.  But on Monday he had a low grade fever, so he stayed home from school and then took a mid-morning nap and then woke up to the seizure that he never recovered from.

I had spent some time with Miko, he’s the other 4th grader in Edda’s class – so often on field trips or class parties, I’d hang out with Edda and Miko in a sea of typical 4th graders.  The other mothers a little hesitant to say hello.  The kids kind of surprised to find out the Edda seemed to have a mom just like theirs. 

I’d never had the chance to meet Miko’s parents, so I introduced myself at the funeral – saying that I was Edda’s mom and that Edda is (was? I stumbled over the present/past tense) Miko’s classmate.  And Miko’s dad smiled at me and told me that Oh!  Edda!  Miko’s best friend!  It’s so nice that you are here.

Anyways, I’m spending the week trying not to be consumed by grief over what a shitty hand my little fraternity has been dealt.  And all I know is that tomorrow Edda will go on a field trip to Baltimore without her best friend and that next week, I’ll be at the Halloween party without Miko next to me.

2 thoughts on “Grief.”

  1. I think being consumed by grief is all any parent can be when a child passes. It doesn't have to be your child. It is a shitty hand at times but I am so grateful to know you and Edda. The joy she has is so much fun to watch and she has made my life so much better. Your entire family has! Scott calls the mother of a friend who passed away 25 years ago every time his birthday rolls around. She told me once "those phone calls are so nice, it makes feel like I'm not the only one who knows he's gone". Now, you've got to somehow step up and reach out to Miko's parents because our grief is nothing compared to theirs. Love you.

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