Weekend update.

I was in a terrible mood during the week and I wanted to eat carbs all the time, I feel like I should be over these things – that my hormone levels postmenopausal should be even, but I think it’s not true. The weather was bad during the week, so maybe that. I’m not sure that it has to do with circumstances, but there is background crap always going on, who knows honestly.

I visited an organization called Main Street in downtown Rockville about 1.5 miles from the house. The set up is pretty much (but on a much larger scale) what I dream of for Edda. Seventy apartment units, 25% set aside for people with disabilities and the rest are affordable housing. This opened in 2020 and the first day the phone lines were open, they received 11,000 calls for housing. The need is obviously great. They have programming (about 10-15 events a week) for people of all needs for socializing, crafts, outings, etc all with a focus on inclusion. There is a gym, a classroom and enormous “hang out” and kitchen area. All very hip and welcoming. So Edda signed up for a membership to access the outings, we can have her caregivers go to these programs. Eventually, I want a home for Edda on a smaller scale – something like with 4-6 apartments and large communal space for activities which Jeremy and I intend (at least for now) to build, hopefully it won’t wipe us out financially, we’ll have to work out the numbers. I actually want access to these people who built this building and have them help me (who seem to have much more money than me. These people have a son with disabilities and they, first built their own school for him and then second, built this enormous 70 unit apartment for him when he turned 21. The dad is in real estate. I guess with a big “R” and big “E”). The residents who live here have intellectual disabilities, but they are also much more independent than Edda. They can walk and talk and feed themselves (it seems). I’d not care so much about inclusion for Edda, though I understand the appeal, my focus would be on a smaller community – a chosen family, as such. We’ll see what happens.

I do feel a weird rebirth of sorts, moving though my midlife crisis. My weekends are “free” in a way they haven’t been since before children. I’m just hanging out and like – I can almost convince myself there is nothing to do for days and days (ok maybe only 2). Haha. I’m constantly thinking about how I want to spend my time. I think I’ll need to give up the horse volunteer gig, unfortunately. I went twice and I was certainly put to work and the people are very nice, but it is far away and, honestly, the horses are…meh to me. Like, I want to like you, but do you like me? I’d spend 20 minutes grooming mud off a horse and the entire time, I was like (to the horse) – do you like me? I like you! And, I seemed to get…nothing. Maybe I got the dull horses who are easy to groom? That is a strong possibility. But I always feel tender to all kinds of cats and dogs and they to me, so I have no idea. But really, it’s just too far to drive. So I’ll try volunteering at Main Street which is literally a mile away from the house and it’s with people. I’ll give up on the physical labor and the outside parts. I’ll have to figure that part out.

I’m also thinking that I’ll need to give up the kayaking for guitar. I’ve been practicing a lot more and have gotten over the finger pain and can switch easily between 4-5 basic cords so I feel like I’ve gotten over the terrible beginner part which everything has. I got invited to the secret Friday afternoon slightly more advanced group lessons by my teacher and I like my friends at my lessons. I do love the kayaking and the vibe of kayakers and I bought(!) a kayak at the end of the season last year which is taking up a lot of space in my garage, but somehow I’m slowly realizing that it’s a lot of trouble to kayak – a kayak is very heavy out of the water and you do have to carry it from your car to the water which sometimes is like a quarter mile which sounds not too far unless you are carrying a 50 pound kayak awkwardly on your shoulder next to speeding traffic on the George Washington parkway. Also, there was a young woman who died in September of last year on a kayaking trip in the general spot where I learned with experienced people and rescuers all around her trying to save her and it gave me the heebie jeebies. And! I think, though I’m not sure, a lot of good kayaking happens in the winter – this is due to water levels and other things I don’t know about, but I’m unwilling to add cold to the mix. And I’m starting to like the guitar more. One can only do so much. But I did buy another set of beginner kayaking lessons this summer, so we’ll see how that goes.

But I went to the performances of the bands who take lessons from my teacher on Saturday and they found this great space. It’s at the oldest bar in Rockville and it was so much fun! And this is like a cool, old, run down space, exactly how you want a bar to look like and they host very famous bands and jam sessions. Very fun. I brought my earplugs (I think I was the only one) because my Apple watch told me we were at 100 decibels for about 2 hours (and I knew we would be).

Standing room only, I had to park like a 5 minute walk away. The only thing bad about guitar is that it’s loud and it’s at night. Nothing is perfect, lol. Except, sometimes, a chocolate chip cookie. That can be perfection.