Presenting my self in front of people properly is always a challenging job for me, especially in front of loved ones. Without presenting oneself properly, in most instances, exchanging inner thoughts and ideas is indeed very difficult and rare. This really bothers. I don’t know why, but it has been with me for a long, long time, just too long one may say. As time goes by, this bothering thought is on the precipitous rise rather than falling steadily. With this thought constantly haunting me, I have experienced a lot of uneasy moments alone and sleepless nights, going over this, analyzing, and trying to uncover culprits, but so far, without any heartwarming tale to tell. Sometimes, of course, I blamed myself on almost every thing; sometime I blamed things that I could think of; but mostly with emptiness, I had nothing tangible to lay blame on, just watching my flaw running deep, deep and deeper into ravenous ravine hopelessly. Maybe, there is no culprit at all. But it is just all coded into my “Genes” and, therefore, it is predestined to prevail, regardless of one’s preferences. Naturally, I hope not.
One can comprehend, though without despair, I am indeed concerned. But, I believe it could be better; it should be; it can be and it will be better. Right? Time can and will tell. But, at this very moment, I really don’t know “how” 🙂
Just a thought to share.