A Thought to Share

Presenting my self in front of people properly is always a challenging job for me, especially in front of loved ones. Without presenting oneself properly, in most instances, exchanging inner thoughts and ideas is indeed very difficult and rare. This really bothers. I don’t know why, but it has been with me for a long, long time, just too long one may say. As time goes by, this bothering thought is on the precipitous rise rather than falling steadily. With this thought constantly haunting me, I have experienced a lot of uneasy moments alone and sleepless nights, going over this, analyzing, and trying to uncover culprits, but so far, without any heartwarming tale to tell. Sometimes, of course, I blamed myself on almost every thing; sometime I blamed things that I could think of; but mostly with emptiness, I had nothing tangible to lay blame on, just watching my flaw running deep, deep and deeper into ravenous ravine hopelessly. Maybe, there is no culprit at all. But it is just all coded into my “Genes” and, therefore, it is predestined to prevail, regardless of one’s preferences. Naturally, I hope not.

One can comprehend, though without despair, I am indeed concerned. But, I believe it could be better; it should be; it can be and it will be better. Right? Time can and will tell. But, at this very moment, I really don’t know “how” 🙂

Just a thought to share.

One thought on “A Thought to Share”

  1. I have known Daddy’s problems for a long time since I am his wife. His problems are to keep everything himself and he does not want to share his real feelings. Sometimes, what he says is not what he thinks. And most times, he calculates too much for himself. He likes to be a winner which is nothing wrong with that. But it is very hard to be winners all the time. In fact, the real life is that you win some and you lose some. More than 90% of the time in our lives does not go along with your wishes. He is too serious about losing. More over, winning and losing are hard to define. Losers can be winners later on if we learn something from it. If you set a goal in your life and work hard toward it, most of the time you will achieve your goals. The difference between goals and wishes is actions. With actions, your wishes become goals. Without actions, your goals become wishes. Wishes are the same as dreams and never can be realized. Life with few dreams is not bad. Life with all dreams is not real. It is more real if changing dreams to goals and working toward them.

    We can not do anything genetically inherited from our parents and grandparents. Certain diseases are inherited such as high blood pressure and adiabatic. However, some research reports indicate to change life style will cure those diseases. There are too many fat people around everywhere now-a-days due to the life is getting better. Society is richer and with plenty of food supplies. In the same time, people tend to do less physical work in order to support them. In other words, people tend to eat more and work less. As results, people are getting fat. Do you remember my cousin in Beijing? He is fat, his son is fat and his grandson is fat too. But his parents, my aunt and uncle-in-law, were very thin. He and his wife had good jobs and living in Beijing is much better compared the in village. Now, he has Parkinson’s disease and life is very hard. Couple weeks ago, he fell down at home and went hospital to have more than 100 stitches. I called his wife, she said that he was OK and they hired a maid to take care of him.

    Back to the topic, I am not a dreamer and I do not like to take advantages of others and I do not keep any secret and say what I want to say and do what I have to do. In baby booming period, the world economy was not like now. Almost every family was poor. Life then was always rough. However, all parents were working very hard to take care of their families, gave kids education which they did not have privilege to have. All of your four grandparents did not have formal education. But, they managed to put their kids to college, especially daddy’s parents. They put eight kids through colleges. It is very hard to do these days.

    World is changing now. There are too many movies and entertainments. People spent too much time to watch that un-real, misleading stuff. Grown-ups are more realistic and take responsibilities themselves and not to blame others. We can not change others, even ourselves. But we can work with them and do the best we can to support ourselves and help the society. Every one has his or her chance in this society. But, this is the time of global economy. Younger generations here are facing more competitions from China, India, Mexico, etc. Those educated young people from poor villages (just like your parents 40 yeas ago) have lots of incentives to work hard and make their lives and their families live better.

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