About 6 to 8 months ago, when I was in the middle of all this medical crap for Edda, I couldn’t look at other children Edda’s age or younger without feeling sorry for myself. A tightness would surround my chest and I would have to excuse myself so I could sit and cry in the bathroom. There were plenty of dinners and parties where I had spent a good 30 minutes of the evening crying in the bathroom and then trying to make myself look like I wasn’t crying.
I would see 12 month old kids learning to walk and using their pincer grip and when they would reach out to say hello to me, I would give them the evil eye and mutter to them something about not knowing how lucky they were to be able to pick up their own Cheerios. Grrr.. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to invite another child born in the year 2004 over to my house ever again.
But I’m happy to say that I’m pretty much over it. Where I was 6 months ago, I was at the fork in the road and I could still see that most everyone else was taking the other road, which was well paved and had good directions and my road looked rather dark and in need of a good weedwacker. I really, really wanted to be on the other road, everyone else was turning right! I wanted to be in the right lane too! But now I’m so far down my own road, I can’t even really believe there exists another road for me and my life for it is so far away now that there is no way I can find it again.
So now I pick up babies and kiss them and tell their mothers how beautiful their kids are and I see the kids in Vince’s school that are Edda’s age and I’m OK with it all!