I can not get over the deep seated feeling that when I try and raise money for Rett Syndrome, that I am begging. It is a very visceral feeling and something that I closely associate with a sense of shame and a dash of humiliation. I do not like to ask people to help, I do not like asking people for money. I have spoken other successful fundraisers and they say, oh, after you ask 10 people, it will feel like nothing, and I have asked 10 people, I’ve asked more than 10 people and I still feel awful. I think that other people do not feel this way (I know that there are professional fundraisers – the ones that work in development offices, their jobs just give me the heebe-jeebies, but I’m sure none of them would like to be a patent examiner), but it’s what I feel and it makes me feel bad that I can not do this thing that might someday lead my daughter to be able to use her hands. I also feel like so many people put in so much time to raise $$ to find a cure, I can not let them be the only ones to carry the burden, I must do my part.
The Fairfax stroll-a-thon is coming up mid-October, so today I decided that I’d take Edda to the mall and ask stores to donate some gift certificates for our valiant cause. I’m a big chicken. I asked no one. Edda was pissed that I gave up. She was game, I was not. I am so lame. There really is no excuse.
I tried to distract her with gold lame short shorts from American Apparel.
Edda is also unimpressed with Apple products. Genius bar! I did not actually know they really called it the “Genius bar” – I just thought it was a nickname.