I was unexpectedly invited to a sushi making party today. I actually did not make any sushi myself, but I ate quite a bit of it.
We were back at the pediatrician’s office today. Still searching for why Edda is GRUMPY BEAR in the early evening. We poked and prodded and chatted and discussed and really, we found nothing. Came up with no good reason that Edda is unhappy in the evenings. All I know is that I have no idea why she is unhappy. I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that it will someday just go away. I know, I live in the land of denial, it’s what keeps me keeping on.
The past few nights, I have been super diligent about going to sleep before 10 pm. I had gradually let our bedtime slip to 11 pm, which is OK when I am sleeping until 6:30, but with the hot weather and my desire to run in the early morning hours, I’ve been getting up at 5 or 5:30am. Everything looks a lot bleaker when I have only 6 hours of sleep – things that were OK the week before suddenly look terrible and unsolvable. But now with a little more sleep, I feel like I can get a grip on things that are happening (well, at least not overreact to them).
I have been running. And running. I ran in last night’s neighborhood 8K race. It’s called the Twilight 8K because it starts at 8:45. It was drizzling and a cool 66 degrees out. I was hemming and hawing whether or not to run, but in the end I decided that I had already paid and what the heck. The race goes pretty much right next to our house, so Vince came out to cheer everyone on!
Gave a high-5 to me as I ran past (far left of the photo is me). Ran it in just over 52 minutes – not too shabby.
So it’s been exactly 10 years since I started this blog. Happy anniversary! And just coincidentally, it is also my 4000th post. Thank you for following along (all 10 of you!)- I have only one faithful comment-er (thank you Sherah), I have no idea who reads (I think all the grandparents still read, although I’m not entirely sure). When I started, Blogger did not even exist yet, we had a clunky digital camera that ran out of batteries every 5 photos, I wrote my own HTML code. I know I’m not as faithful with posting everyday as I once was, but I don’t think I do too shabby – I think I usually don’t let more than a week go by without posting. This blog is mainly for me. To practice photographing, to practice writing and also a place to remember things about my life because I forget everything that I don’t write down now.
Jeremy and I celebrated the blog milestone by going to Ben and Jerry’s last night and getting the cutest ice cream cake and then eating it all right there in the store. I’m glad we celebrated last night, because today, I did not have a super fun day.
We came home after our date night, Edda was asleep, Vince was awake. SeHyun mentioned that she thought something was wrong with Edda’s arm, that it seemed to hurt her when she was getting her dressed in her pajamas. Since she was asleep, we decided to let her be, but this morning confirmed SeHyun’s observations, so Edda and I spent the day in the ER, getting x-rayed and confirming that Edda’s wrist is broken.
Of course, no one can figure out when this happened, no falls reported at camp or at home. Maybe it’s been like this all week and that is why she was pissed from 4-7 everyday? I have no idea. All I know is that I feel sick to my stomach that she was hurt and I didn’t notice. It’s been a long week. Anyways, it’s a minor, simple break, should heal nicely. We got a temporary splint on today at the ER and will see the ortho on Monday for a cast.
See if you can spot the fracture. I could and I find it funny that in the X-ray room, I looked at the images and said “ah, it’s broken” and the tech (who isn’t really allowed to tell you any diagnosis) were like oh yeah, it is broken, but in the middle of that sentence, he changed directions and said, oh the doctor will let you know.
For many years now, I’ve avoided seeing tearjerker movies, I figure there is enough sadness in the world to go around, why see something that makes you sad on top of everything else that is going on in the world. Even though I avoid seeing tragedies on the big screen, I am somehow drawn to books that make me cry. A hypocrite? Maybe it’s just easier to put down a book than leave a movie theater. I dunno. Today I sped through a book called Let’s Take the Long Way Home – a book about a woman who loses her best friend to cancer. I read on the sly it while I was in statistics class – crying, crying while taking notes on probability.
When I was giving the sermon on Sunday, I could see Edda in the way back, in her wheel chair and as I was not in my usual spot in in reference to her or even in reference to myself. I was not myself – I was somehow a stranger to myself while giving this little homily. Somehow I felt like I got an outsider’s glimpse of what Edda is like – arms flailing, teeth grinding, needing a video to keep her preoccupied – it’s not a pretty sight. It’s not the beauty I see when I tuck her into bed at night, when I am close to her body and I caress her cheek, feel her snuggle up to me and watch her sigh contentedly into her slumber.
I feel the renewal of my grief for all of Edda’s lost potential this year more than I’ve felt it in the last couple of years. I think it’s the realization that if not for her disability, I would no longer need child care and all the stresses that go along with finding that care and the expense. We’ve had a three people in various positions leave Edda side (in mysterious, happy (although unexpectedly), and decidedly unhappy situations) and I feel like Edda is no longer easy be with – not only to find activities that she wants to engage in with others, but also just keeping her clean and safe and happy. What does Edda want to do? It’s hard to say. Edda’s daily unhappiness (which is getting better I suppose) is, of course, compounding my anxiousness and sadness.
About a year ago, I was invited to be on the worship committee at church and I have to say, I was very flattered. I love our minister, Lynn, and it was a chance to be with her at least once a month in a small group setting. About once a month, I’m responsible for setting up the sound/lights/candles/glasses of water which I’m OK with because it’s easy and non-confrontational.
The meetings for this group started in September and it slowly dawned on me that the main point of the Worship Arts Committee was to basically pick up the slack for the services (mainly during the summer) that the minister would generally miss. So in volunteering to be on this committee, I essentially volunteered to do a service which was a little bit more daunting than lighting candles.
So this past Sunday was my big debut. Of course, I had 2 months notice to do the ten-minute sermon, but nothing got written until the few days before Sunday. Jeremy and I spend almost all of Saturday writing and editing the service together. The sermon was about “Earth Centered Landscapes” and I talked about so much of my shared life with Jeremy and our families, all living in different places.
I wasn’t sure I wanted Jeremy and the kids to come, I get a little embarrassed about these things sometimes. But in the end, everyone came and watched me give the sermon. Edda, in the midst of such an unhappy week for her, was relatively quiet and well behaved in the main sanctuary – although I have to say that during pauses and the silent meditation, I could hear her teeth grinding from all the way in the back of the room.
I had a partner – Cynthia – who was responsible for another 10 minute homily, so together we had a 20 minute sermon which is what the regular minister usually has prepared. We also put together all the hymns, readings and music. So nice!
Edda is still not well. I have been kind of a bad mom, just hoping that this was a phase that she was going through, maybe a stomach thing that would clear up on its own. But it ain’t happening. Last night, Edda cried all through family Sunday night dinner – where everyone remarked how they’ve never seen Edda so unhappy. Today – she cried at camp all morning – they try really hard not to call the parents to come pick up a fussy kid, but Edda just wore them out.
I took her (finally) to the pediatrician, where her ear kind of looked a little red and her throat looked also a little red, but the strep test came back negative. But I think just to do something, we put her on a ten-day course of antibiotics (which I’m sure is not going to clear this up). We are going to see the dentist tomorrow to make sure her teeth look OK and not causing her pain either.
So it’s been a little stressful around here – all of us feel sad looking at Edda being sad.
On a more cheerful note, Jeremy is growing out his beard. I keep saying he look like George Clooney 😉
We just stopped at Bathurst, NB after visiting Prince ENdwarmd Island. I guess it is an agricultural plus fishing industry place. It is very scenic with a lot of small bays, harbors, etc.
After drove back crossing the bridge again. Mom joked that majority of our daily allowance was spent on crossing this bridge – the toll of 44.25 Canadian dollar which has a ratio about one. Well, locals don’t have discount either.
Tomorrow, we will start driving westward until reaching Canadian Rockies. then we will start sightseeing again.