I was at the track today running around in circles when I found that a ladybug had stopped by to say hello on my water bottle. It’s a good sign, right? Luck is on my side.
I noticed I hadn’t put up much information about Edda recently on the blog. Edda is well and moving into puberty before I’m ready and enjoying middle school. She remains healthy and happy.
The past month, with all my happy birthing experiences at the hosptial, I have spent many hours thinking about Edda. All the good things and all the sad things. When I’m strong and happy, I feel like – as a very good friend always tells me – I’m living the life I’m meant to live. When I’m weak and sad, I resent every accomodation I’ve made on behalf of Edda’s disability. I very rarely feel sorry for Edda, although sometimes I think I should feel that way. Edda, herself, is pure joy and living in the moment. There is very little suffering, she is very happy with her life. She has fun, she has people who love her, she loves other people. I don’t think she thinks much about her limitations, she is making the best of her situation. My own sadness is a selfish one, one in which I want all the things that I can not have.
A few months ago, I was upset at some arrangment that needed to be made to take into Edda’s various limitations and I was crying to Jeremy about the two clear choices and that I wanted neither of the two. Jeremy took me aside and gently told me that what I wanted was for Edda to not have Rett Syndrome and that that was just not possible.
I’m sure I’ll jinx it now, but I think I can say that Edda is finally sleeping through the night. At age 11.5, we now both find ourselves in the same spot we fell asleep in more nights than not.
I haven’t posted this before, but look at Edda’s graduation class picture from 5th grade last year. They did a great job, not just sticking Edda in her wheelchair on the side totally away from the other kids. They put her in a chair in the middle of the crowd! Look at that! Sure, the kiddos next to her are leaning ever so slightly away from her and she’s a little grump-faced, but I’ll take what I can get. I mean this more kindly than snarky, so hopefully, you’ll read it that way.