Why you should pick me as a roommate in quarantine.
I’m low conflict.
I will do laundry.
I cook mediocrely.
I will bleach anyone’s hair.
Jeremy complained that I left the refrigerator door opened too long yesterday. Instead of being annoyed (which I was), I replied, I realize that is a reasonable request. I will try to do it in the future.
I am quiet.
I will defer to you in video choices.
Though I will also offer up suggestions when no one has any which will be turned down promptly.
I will FaceTime your family members.
I will FaceTime my family members.
I tiptoe through the house not making much noise.
I will not talk about the pandemic if you don’t want to. I will talk about the pandemic if you want to.
I, incredibly, have two steady jobs.
I will support people with my two steady jobs that no longer have steady jobs.
I will not freak out.
I will not make you do anything.
I will maintain a semblance of a schedule.
I make Dutch Babies.
I will attempt to do TikTok dances to amuse everyone.
I can cut hair.
Sometimes I open the window in my home office so I can hear the three kids next door screaming on their trampoline.
I watch deer outside my window.
I refuse to buy extra snacks to keep in the house.
I do not yell.
I do not curse.
Maybe I’m boring? Do you want a boring roommate? Maybe not.
I will spend a long time making face masks.
I will spend too long reading an MIT listserv list in utter disbelief that even smart-on-paper people are idiots.
I like to go scrounging in the pantry to use up old ingredients.
I like to find things and repurpose them.
I don’t drink coffee, so there is more for you.
I would love for you to talk as long as you’d like, if you’d take no offense to me falling asleep to your voice.
I have a lot of sweatshirts you can borrow.
I am needy only once a day. That is the frequency at which I will ask – are you sure you still like me?