Look back/goals.

Happy new year’s eve. Time to look back and think forward:

Spiritual Goals:

This past year, I’ve been working hard on letting go of things which is what I think I work on every year. I find that gripping tightly to things causes anxiety and undo stress. There are things about my relationships with my children and my parents (friends less so, but not not included) that I’m constantly working on – for example, Edda’s future for which emails and phone calls are starting to ramp up, to soften the anxiousness I feel about school ending and her possible future living situation. I’m also trying to support myself better, to calm my inner critic and doomsayer, which is easier said than done. This year, I started Effexor which was a good thing and I remain on it at year’s end, but I’m always looking towards getting off of it. As examples of the calmness I want to have is always my husband who steady temperament and general optimist guides me in difficult times and for just pure joy of day to day living, I look to Elka and Edda who both live in the moment and are generally both Buddha-like and are gracious for the here and now and for the feeling of possibilities and curiosity, I turn to Vince who is beginning his adult life and full of these things. My family helps me grow spiritually always. I recommit to putting my phone away while I’m at the house, and in the new year, I’m looking forward to bringing music and more of the outdoors into my life which always has a spiritual aspect.

Financial goals:

We are only one final quarter away from finishing Vince’s college payments and then, theoretically, he will be financially independent of us and he is eagerly willing to be so – we’ve already discussed – this is the last cell phone I’m buying you – not so many more sneakers I’m purchasing, lol. So, there needs to be a rejiggering of our financial picture. We spent the last year or so putting together a will, a special needs trust for Edda and those are in place. They will need to be revised once Vince is on his own and Edda is on her own (in a way). All the guardianship paperwork/social security stuff for Edda is done. I took a week long course offered my my workplace about retirement planning (this was offered through my HR department and they do this for mid-career gov’t workers) this past year and realized that things are more complicated than I want to take on and with Edda’s special circumstances, I feel like I need a professional on my side, so this is the year I’m going to start working with a financial planner and get things in order. I mean, things are in order, but I want a more clearer understanding and some advice on Edda’s situation. Jeremy is, honestly, a good financial partner in the sense that he trusts me, pays no attention, doesn’t recklessly spend money and makes a good salary, but he’s no good when I’m like – How much Roth? How much regular? How much in Edda’s trust? International fund? He shrugs and smiles and kisses me and says – I trust you, you are doing a good job. Gooo Doris! And then I smile and I’m no closer to my answer. I’m also working on loosening the tightening feeling I have with money – my scarcity mindset where I never have enough, it’s never enough. But honestly, it’s enough, and I’m working on being more generous money wise. We have friends who are retiring, so we think about this as well. When is a good time financially?

Career goals:

This is tricky. I gave up nursing about a year ago and I’m unclear if I’m going to go back. I’m keeping up the licensing, and for a brief moment this year, I thought I’d go back and work for the state or the county doing community nursing – either at a jail for for homebound citizens (I have a friend who travels to people’s houses to give flu and covid vaccines, this seems like a useful thing to do) – part time and that is still an interest of mine, but I feel like I’ve not yet really overcome the burnout I had working through the pandemic. I did start another position at the patent office this year which has been a mixed bag of sorts – I’m meeting other people which has been fun, but the work itself is rather unsatisfying. But the pilot program got extended for another year, and I decided that I’m staying on another year. So for this year, I maintain the status quo and continue thinking about this. I feel like I have one more block of professional thing to do before I retire. It might be to become a manager at the patent office, I’ve never managed people, so it might be something I need to do before I retire.

Intellectual goals:

Hmmm? I guess to stay off my phone. My enjoyment of learning guitar has increased in the past month or so, yesterday I practiced for an hour! I remain curious to what life brings to me. I’m not going to learn another language or try to become a youtube influencer or anything.

Health/Wellness goals:

I think I did pretty OK this year. It was a low-key exercise year where I had a lifting coach for the first half of the year and then a running coach the 2nd half of the year. I’m getting weaker and slower as I age (which can be frustrating, but I turn back to letting go), but, for the most part my body felt good and strong. I worked hard, but didn’t exhaust myself or hurt myself (very much, lol.). I did gain some weight this year which made my pants tight – mostly on our vacation where I ate ice cream everyday for five weeks and it didn’t come off easily once I stopped eating the daily ice cream, so for the last six or eight weeks of the year, I really focused on eating more fruits and veggies and fewer carbs and gradually, very slowly, the weight has started going back to where it was before.

Family goals:

Jeremy and I and Edda are still getting used to being the three of us, even though Vince is almost done with college. These changes are slow to adjust to. We are learning to travel more, just the three of us (our epic 6-week vacation was glorious), or maybe just the two of us (party in NYC). We are very much homebodies and love being at home and with each other, but we can all turn inward a little too much. So more exploring for us in the way we enjoy exploring. We are slowly repairing/decluttering/decorating the house because we have more time. I’m finding some joy in cleaning up the house. I don’t need a totally decorated house, but I like one that is functional not not very crowded. I’m pleased with what happened last year as a family and look forward to more of the same this year.

Social goals:

This past year saw a big social upheaval in my life in which a decades long friendship ended which I did not see coming. So heartbroken from that, I am slowly regrouping and trying to figure things out. This Christmas, I did feel like I have a good group of friends/family who love and support me, but alas, there is some sadness mixed in all that too. So I’m on the lookout for something social, I’m not sure what, but I’m working on it and hopefully, slowly, it will come to me.