I’ve always been a pessimist. I like to think that bad things will always befall me. The cute guy won’t like me, no one will hire me, no one wants to call me, that test result will come back positive or negative (depending on, you know, whether you want to be pregnant or not pregnant).
These days, I’m really trying to learn to be an optimist. So everyday, I get up and I tell myself that I have to take Ruby for a run because she has to poop and I don’t want her to poop in the house and I have to take her around the neighborhood anyways so I might as well put on some running shoes instead of some flip flops and walk for a while and then run for a while and then go back to walking. Then I come home and take a shower and I try to convince myself of a few things:
1. Edda will someday be able to read and communicate in some way so she can tell me anything that she’s thinking and that she will find friends who aren’t her parents/teachers/therapists. (Actually, the second part might be true already).
2. I will find a job which is interesting, uses my talent (whatever those are) in good ways, allows me to meet people who are smart, funny and good at their jobs. The organization I work for will have some redeeming quality (for example, perhaps I should not work for a company that makes weaponry even though I think I would be pretty good at it.) and will have at least 1 person in a position of responsibility who I believe in and respect.
3. That Jeremy find a job that meets whatever requirements he has.
4. That Vince will not put up such a battle at mealtimes. One would think that since Edda can’t use her hands to feed herself, she’d be the hard one at mealtimes, but often she opens her mouth wide for every spoonful like a baby bird and Vince squirms and refuses to eat anything except white rice.
5. That someday I will not feel awkward at parties.
6. That we will all be happy and healthy together – forever.
Today we went to Edda’s school for the fall to meet her teachers. This was the school that all of Edda’s private therapists recommended. It’s the only private school that has been approved by the county for preschool kids. So apparently it’s kind of hard to get into, but we didn’t have a problem and I was pleased at the IEP when the school committee readily agreed to this placement.
But I was bummed today, because they want to start all the way back to real object choices because perhaps she doesn’t understand an abstract picture represents a real object. Edda had been pointing out body parts and colors and transportation in Singapore, but she had this special rapport with our beloved Ranjit, who, as I watched, could get Edda to respond in ways that neither Jeremy or I have ever been able to replicate. How am I suppose to convince anyone else of Edda’s abilities?
Oranges are out of season and Edda’s poops have turned into golf balls. It’s pretty much like giving birth, quite painful, takes a long lead time, and then finally, a pop! and out it comes. Finally, we had to break down and go to the expensive market (Whole Foods) and buy the super-duper oranges, she ate three today, hopefully the poops will go back to normal.