It’s been a strange snowstorm. It started snowing on Sunday and it’s still snowing now (Tuesday morning). Accumulation has been about 4 inches… I thought there might have been a possibility of me being stuck at the hospital on Sunday – I did pack an overnight bag, but I didn’t need to stay. I was tired for my Sunday shift. The floor was relatively empty but the people who were stuck there needed a lot of care and we were short a tech. I can’t tell how I feel about anything anymore – everything is such a slog. Was that shift a terrible shift? Or was I just tired? Am I just tired for that day? Or am I tired because it’s been such a tough year? I shouldn’t have been tired, I’ve been sleeping ok. I can be upbeat for a phone call or a zoom best buddies meeting or for Jeremy or for whatever, but then some feeling of exhaustion or disassociation just washes over me at times. Most notably it happened on Sunday, when I saw on my work phone a caller-ID that meant that a family was calling for an update on one of my patients right when I had sat down to sit down for the first time – perhaps at noon or 1 pm and had just opened my favorite Ritz Bitz cheese cracker snack that Jeremy packs for me just because he knows I love them and I girded myself to sound cheerful and helpful and then I said – hello? and the daughter (who also sounded tired) and said – I’m calling for so-and-so and I just kind of froze and drew a blank and paused for much too long and then thought to myself – I can not do this anymore, but in reality said – yes? and then she kind of said in kind of an exasperated way – I’m calling for an update! And really, what could I say? Nothing had changed, but I wanted to make it sound like something interesting or good was happening. Mostly she wanted to talk to her dad, which I was able to do the next time I rounded through his room.
The water main on our street sprung a leak? burst? while I was at the hospital on Sunday and the crews worked most of the day to fix it. The were still there when I got home at 8 pm – Jeremy was like I hope you don’t want a shower, there is no water. But it was back on by the time we went to bed. We had to flush out some dirt from the pipes.
I’m making some progress on the quilting. I think I’m going to keep this one. I usually give them away!