Wills. Gah.

One of my big goals this year was to pull together wills/estate planning for Jeremy and me. I wanted things in place when Edda turns 18 next year. I feel my mortality so strongly lately, with Vince a legal adult and me fast approaching 50. Also, in a weird coincidence (or not depending on how you look at it), many of my personal contemporaries are staring down their own mortality through a more concrete and less philosophical lens – cancer, stroke, heart attacks are making their rounds through my circle of friends. If I am lucky enough to make it to old age, I will have to watch many of my love loves leave me. And if I’m unlucky and I don’t make it old age, my love loves will have to watch me leave them. Anyways, back to wills/estates. We are in this weird transitional place where Vince is an adult and Edda needs care her whole life. Vince has said many times in the past – it’s ok, I’ll take care of Edda, she’ll live with me. And of course, my heart goes a pitter patter when I hear this, but I do not want to place this burden on Vince. He has his own life and maybe his wife (or he himself) will want to live on a rocky mountain top studying slow growing moss and its implication for limb regeneration. What can you do then? You can’t float a wheelchair up a rocky mountain outpost. It’s also a weird time because even though Vince is legally a grown up, he still needs help setting up bank accounts, understanding interest payments on credit cards, how to make a doctor’s appointment and fill the subsequent prescription, how to rent a storage space and what’s the deal with taxes? Not very much help, but still, there is a first time for everything. I’ve made peace with a future with me gone and Edda living in a group home or something. Of course, I want Edda to live with me and Jeremy for a long time. Of course, if we can’t manage Edda, I want Edda to live at “home” with caring love loves. But if she can’t have that, I’m mostly OK with Edda living in a group home/nursing home place. Even though I know how bad these places can be in 10,000 ways. I see it everyday at the hospital. Even if everyone in these places are trying trying, I know how hard those nurses/techs are stretched because they are not staffed that well because I know I’m often not staffed that well and then I can’t properly get to all my patients. I’ve been in a weird mood where I call my friends and say – you don’t have to take care of Edda, but please visit the place and make sure she is clean and fed. Make sure you try to find the best place and help Vince, he’s going to need help finding the best place. Gah! OK. So we are trying to look at the estate for the next 10 years for Edda and Vince to transition into grown ups. It’s not only the special needs trust establishment, but also I think we are going to start paying folks for help with care management and trust management. All these things I did not know about three months ago.

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