Mangos and love.

My friend Thu mailed (!) me some of the mangos from her parents’ property in Florida. Her father nurtured these trees for a long time and he passed away a few years ago and she, in his honor, plucks them by hand from the trees and distributes them far and wide. And as she mailed me too much for me to eat by myself, I redistribute to friends, family and neighbors and tell the story of Thu and her father’s love for these particular mangos. Edda’s bus driver said – they were so delicious! I can tell, they aren’t like the ones from the grocery store. And, of course, they are more delicious than any other mango because they are filled with love and connection from the earth through the farmer and from one loving hand to another.

I have been thinking a lot about how I want to spend my time. When I was younger, I wanted things to be I exactly just so. I tried to wrench things into alignment. Now I’m more open to being curious. Like, let me try this fun thing and see what happens. And then I can delight more when things just fall into spaces that just fit. Or when it gets stuck or frustrating, I can ease it back out, give it a little pat on the head and then try something else. Or I can sit with it unmoored and floating around and undefined. Gah! This is so vague. What the hell? This is not about a particular anything. It’s just that I keep learning so much! Whenever I think I’ve learned enough, things surprise me and I unfold and learn more. Everyday, I think I don’t have enough time to figure it all out, and I don’t. But if it all ended tomorrow, I would feel lucky that I got to learn what I did learn. It was so hard during the pandemic, so full of fear and grief. I am still full of grief, but with summer and vaccines, at least I can soothe myself with the love of other people.