Shift, Gorgeous, Monstera

I went to the hospital yesterday for the first day of work in almost three weeks. I took the time off because, well we were supposed to go on a trip, but instead I spent it with covid and I got well enough just in time to go back to work. I still have a lingering cough which can last for a minute and you know how to freak your coworkers out? to be coughing and coughing (n95) and then they ask if you are OK and then say – oh it’s no big deal, just the end of covid – don’t worry! it’s been like weeks. And it has been weeks now. I think constantly of quitting this job. Constantly. But it was a fine shift yesterday. I had only 4 patients at a time – a dream. Everyone needs so much fussing. We are all *still* so needy. Coaxing people into blood draws (coaxing the phlebotomist too! I tried earlier and they were so rude!) , calming them down from a panic attack, telling them what they want to hear, which is exactly what I want to hear whispered into my own ears in the middle of the night – I’m sorry it hurts so much/is overwhelming/is unfair. I’m here, I’ll take care of you, we’ll be here together now. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. This takes something out of me, I want to keep that energy for myself. To not give it away to someone else.

Vickey and I chose The Wonder for the next book in the two person book group. It’s been our selection for a few weeks now and neither of us has made it past page 15. The chapters are so long! I like a book with 4-8 page chapters. For a few days, I’ve been saying we need to move on to another book, this is not our book. Then on Wed we decided to try On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. Already 2 paragraphs in, I can tell I like it better than the Wonder.

Along with the decluttering of the house, I took all the underwatered, droopy plants in the house that were all shoved in a single corner and placed them around the house in spots that made it seem like I actually decided to put them there as decor and I started watering them regularly. And now I’m rewarded with an emerging leaf. I’m so proud!

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