Isabella came by on Saturday to mind Edda – I & S have a special relationship, lol.
Because Isabella was here, Jeremy and I went on a date – takeout from A & Js and coffee and cookies from a coffeehouse near REI. It was interesting to see how many people were masked. I still mask at grocery stores but I would have been OK eating in a restaurant on this date, but Jeremy is still wary, so we ate all of our things in a park or walking around. Jeremy thought no one in REI was masked, butI said, I though it was about 50%. Anyways, it was just nice to be in the world with only Jeremy – we window shopped together and tried on clothes at Uniqlo and REI and didn’t buy anything (except a birthday gift) even though we were tempted.
And I came home and finished Middlemarch. Just about 20 days after Vickey finished it. Still in March! And one could argue, still in the middle of March – kind of. I’m glad I finished it, though I think my life would have been complete without it. Vickey and I will discuss on Monday and pick our next book…
Yesterday, we had one last birthday party at Edda’s aftercare – cupcakes all around. Edda’s neighbor unwrapped his cupcake and carefully placed it on a napkin and admired it the entire time. Every once in a while, he’d lean in and take in a large inhale of cupcake infused aroma and smile satisfied. One of the staff was like – you can eat that! and he demurred and leaned in and enjoyed his cupcake the way he wanted to enjoy it. Jeremy said -well, the cupcake lasts longer that way.
We had invited Noah over for dinner and a sleepover and usually, Mike and Sofie are there, but last night, I felt like we were partied out from our week of parties and didn’t invite them over. Noah asked in the middle of dinner rather softly – is Sofie coming? And I said – no, most of the time, it’s quiet here. I think almost all the times he’s been here, it’s been a party-like atmosphere. And he looked really, really hurt. So then we started to watch Encanto – but then there are some intense scenes and we had to switch. I was like – what Disney movie doesn’t involve any scary scenes? I came up with nothing and so we all settled into watching Little Einsteins. Here’s Noah looking worried.
We had a very nice birthday yesterday – we went to Edda’s school and danced and ate cupcakes. I had mentioned to a couple of friends that sometimes the day is happy/sad for me, but really, it was mostly surprisingly happy for me. As I fell asleep last night – I kind of sighed and told Jeremy I don’t have children anymore! He laughed and said you don’t have minor children anymore. I said – yeah, I only have major children now. I think we did ok, lots of luck – lots of love. There were lots of bumpy moments and moments especially very close to Edda’s diagnosis that I didn’t think we would make it, but we did our best and now our kids are legally grown ups. Our kids are great.
They got Edda a new fancy chair at school which I was impressed by. I think we may need to get this for home, it has lateral supports which help her sit up straight. She leans a lot now.
Lots of balloons! It was a half day and aftercare doesn’t operate on half days, so we bundled her up and all came home together.
Today Edda is 18! You are my brave, strong daughter – my teacher in all things. Thank you for showing me how to love in the most expansive of ways – to be open to both to unknown possibilities and enjoy life while enduring serious limitations. We had a wonderful party last night, our 4th one this week for Edda’s birthday. This one was with our neighbors and Edda’s previous caregivers and families.
Happy Edda.
Ning brought a delicious bundt cake – strawberry cream flavored with cream cheese frosting. We have had cake everyday for a week, they have all been so different from each other – it’s been a cake tasting menu.
Scarlett looking into the golden light. I do enjoy Scarlett very much, but she is a b*tch to walk. omg. pulls and has terrible leash aggression.
We are having the water main replaced on our street. They’ve run bypass piping down both sides of the street so the water supply isn’t interrupted (its source are the fire hydrants along the street) and yesterday they dug holes all around both the street and the yard and then they filled them up again. There are portapotties that move depending on where the workers are working that day. I wish I was a two years old and and fascinated with construction – this is what is going to go on outside my office window for about 4 months. It’s loud too.
I dropped my parents off at Dulles in the afternoon on Sunday. Usually Jeremy does this for me as I generally dislike driving, but Jeremy was in the middle of a six hour training ride, and so I dropped my parents off. We parked and I helped them check in and then gave them big hugs and sent them off to the west coast. They will be back in October. It’s been nice having them close to me during the pandemic, I wouldn’t have liked them to be on the west coast during the past two years. It’s funny how I feel differently about Vince, I’m happy he’s on the west coast. I miss him lots, but he’s suppose to be out there, figuring it out. He’s done with finals – now on spring break. He did not come home -we offered to host a trip to SF during the week for a night or two, but I think he’s just going to catch up on sleep and cook nice meals for himself. He made dumplings and is now trying to ferment kombucha. He’s not a natural student, I think if we really hone in (and I think he would agree) – he has a touch of dyslexia and ADHD, and that makes it hard for him, but it’s also that somehow he has to grow into and learn how to study. Like he can’t study with friends (even though it’s his natural inclination), he has to make an enormous number of flash cards, he needs to spend more time than other people (though I think a lot of people who do well hide how much they work). But he did well this term, much better than last term and is feeling good.
We had a DC Martins birthday party dinner – celebrating Edda and Sarah’s 18th birthdays. (And Bob’s too – on zoom). Jeremy, again, made pancakes. All these years, I’ve never really been able to eat the pancakes at the birthday breakfast, I’m always talking and moving and hosting – never eating until 3 pm when everyone else has left and I have a cold pancake and some greasy bacon. This is the first year I’ve been able to eat a pancake straight off the griddle and it is the most delicious thing. Coated with syrup and butter and then tucking a sliver of bacon onto the fork with the bite of pancake is perfection. Jeremy makes buttermilk pancakes from the Joy of Cooking that I got for him as a wedding gift and the batter ages overnight.
Last Christmas – the DC martins played secret santa and Vince was frantically trying to find a gift to participate. He was at Target and I texted him to buy the most expensive shampoo he could find. He found a bottle marked $30 (which was the limit of the gift exchange) and he texted a photo to me and said – I can’t believe they sell shampoo for $30. I had never heard of the brand before, but I told him to buy it and that it was perfect. And it was! Sarah opened the gift and swooned. But it was later “stolen” by Jane and Jane got to keep and and bring it home. So for Sarah’s birthday, Jane remembered that she stole Sarah’s shampoo got her the same one, again. lol.
The birthday parties for Edda’s 18th started on Friday. We usually host the pancake breakfast with 100 people – we’ve missed the last two! I didn’t want to miss the 3rd, but I felt it was just a bit too early to host a 100-person party. So in lieu of that we are having six smaller parties. There is a lot of cake in the house…
Friday night, my parents came over. My mother cooked long life noodles and a big pork roast. Delicious. Jeremy was very kind and entertained my father’s urge to talk about the Ukrainian crisis. Usually we have a policy of no politics at the dinner table (or at all, really) because of our generally differing views on, well, all the things (thank you Jane for your help with the vaccines <3 – thank goodness they are vaccinated + boosted!). But it really is one of my father’s favorite topics to talk about at length (almost anything else, he won’t have a long discussion about) and they are leaving soon for the west coast, so what the heck, I guess was Jeremy’s thought process at the dinner table. We also had a hilarious conversation with my mother about what she thought caused fibroids. I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard with my parents in a long time.
So for Sofie’s birthday in early Feb we tried to get a whole foods carrot cake and found out they didn’t make them and then if you wanted writing on it, you had to order it a few days in advance. But my father managed to both find a carrot cake and sweet talk the baker to handwrite happy birthday on it while he waited. My father can be very charming at times.
On Saturday, we invited the Usual Suspects (and families) over for pancakes. Awww, we look good. It felt so good to sit and talk together. I’m looking at this photo and Soojung has like actual rabbit ears poking out from her head (from the rabbit photo behind her).
Edda had a bloody nose right before everyone was going to leave, so we were trying to manage it and take photos at the same time.
Lauren baked this amazing cake for us – lemon/berry cherry blossom cake with a fault line edge with gold flakes.
Mike wanted to give Alice’s car away and asked if Vince wanted it, but Vince doesn’t need a car and I suggested that Ben, who is 18 and lives, well, in a car necessary location (boonies) – Soojung and Kichul’s son would need it and use it everyday. I thought Mike would sell it to them, but he just wanted to give it to them. And so Ben will drive Alice’s old Toyota Corolla! (Why did you get roll down windows?!? I asked her once (I think one weekend where I found Mike trying to fix the rolling mechanism in the driveway – door totally taken apart and on the concrete). I think she shrugged and said, it’s more expensive that way and who needs electric windows? I said – I didn’t think they had cars with roll down windows anymore!). It makes me so so happy that Ben will be driving Alice’s car. Like deep in my belly happy. This is a photo of me watching Kichul driving the car away to surprise Ben.
I went for a run and Nat and Dara showed up with her parents straight from a flight from Thailand and Jeremy served cake again and Jeremy texted me this photo – I asked incredulously, you are having another party?
Soojung and Bailey spent the afternoon washing and cleaning the car and set a bow on it. Ben got home late from a school play and found it waiting for him <3. Oh Alice! Ben’s driving your car. Keep him safe.
On Wed night, we had our usual Wed night dinner with Mike and Sofie. Mike had guests in from Topeka, Bob and Julia, and we were happy to host! We partied until 9:30 pm! omg, so late for weeknight. Mike and Bob have known each other since middle school. It was entirely so much fun and we realized mid-way through that Bob and Julia might be the first “strangers” invited over to the house for a dinner party. A big, pandemic milestone. (I think this is not really true, but it felt that way – an invitation handed out with no hesitation and with excitement). Julia, who sat next to me, turned in the middle of dinner to me and quietly asked how I was – referring to how I’ve been since Alice’s death. And then I paused a bit to think about it. I think about Alice everyday, on every walk in the neighborhood. I miss her, sometimes I’m so very sad, other times I’m happy with the memories. Lately I’ve been asking Alice (in my head) for advice and trying to listen to her voice in my heart – I feel like she can see everything now and I don’t need to explain anything to her, I just need to listen to her. What should I do, Alice? I’m never sure these days.
They gave out COVID-19 response team medallions to all the hospital staff this week. I liked the idea it more than the medal itself. (This is true of many things – the anticipation is better than the thing itself). They listed the hours to pick them up and I just went to the little desk to get it. There was a card that said “with gratitude and appreciation for self-sacrifice, compassion and countless acts of kindness”. Jeremy was like – there wasn’t a ceremony with a stage and dressing up? There should have been. I said – there was a very smartly dressed gentleman with a bow tie who handed it to me and said in a very honorific voice that on behalf of the head of the hospital, thank you. And Jeremy said – A bow tie? Well that’s pretty good. I never thought I get an award at work with the word kindness it in. lol. I’m so tired, I looked at the DNP program at Maryland (which was the plan circa 2017) and just sighed. I can’t stomach 16, 18, 20 more classes.
I spent Purim morning making hamantaschen with Jane, Gene and Bette over in Riderwood. I had Lauren’s mother’s recipe and we had a great time together, talking. I love Sunday night dinners with the DC martins, but it’s a group conversation (that often talks about poop), so it’s nice to spend time in a smaller group. They turned out kind of not triangle shaped. Jane made her famous salad and we all ate lunch together.
It’s Vince’s week for winter term finals. He’s done with 2 out of 4 and then his spring break. He’s doing great – being out of the pandemic has been great for him. So pleased to see him trying out different things to see what he likes and making plans with friends. He’s not coming home for spring break – I think he’s going to try and explore SF for a few days and then he promised me he’d do his tax filing. (I need to do that too – not my first! and hopefully not my last! Sigh. – not that I have to pay taxes. I get a lot of services for my taxes, I don’t mind the paying. I just mind the doing.)
We are dog sitting for Scarlett for about a month. Her human dad is all prepped and ready to go for his stem cell transplant. Lots of good vibes to be sent out to him and his family. This dog could not be any more friendly. Golden retriever to the max.
The shift yesterday was fine! Busy but fine. Everyone was stable. Not everyone was not annoying. But I’ll take that over unstable anyday. Only three covid patient. Unbelievable.
I gave up my indoor masking habit yesterday by going bowling with the rest of the nurses on my unit. I started with the mask on, but by 3:30 pm, we were all wild and unmasked. The hospital footed the bill – apparently there is a budget for having fun that none of us knew about. Called “holy time” budget (?!) – they won’t pay for alcohol (or, I guess any other vice), but you can do whatever your unit desires. So we desired bowling. Yemi, a night charge, set it up. It had been postponed once from January due to Omicron, but couldn’t be rescheduled again even though we were having a late winter snow storm. The party ran from 2-5 and I showed up at 2:15 to find Yemi seated alone watching a soccer game on her phone. I wanted to keep her company and it was the two of us for a good while, but we ended up having a nice turnout despite the weather. We played in the most ridiculous of ways which was a lot of fun, we pulled the bumpers up on all 4 lanes and then we entered everyone’s names and then you bowled whenever you wanted to. Whenever the holy spirit moved you, lol. No one kept score except for the computers and we ate sliders and tater tots.
I loved seeing everyone’s face. Women of color, unite! We are saving your butts all the time, lol. Don’t mess with us 🙂
My boss, Anthony!
I came home to my husband speaking my love language, decluttering. So sexy! He went through his entire wire connection and threw away many, may things including miles of speaker wire and audio connection cables – I had earlier gotten rid of his college speakers – now there are zero 90s era speakers in the house – we, I think, at some point recently had 6! Oh, we remembered how much we loved our stereo systems in college. You remember you loved them so much and then you have to tell yourself now, you can’t goodwill them because no one wants a speaker with a wire. Did we ever think that music could go to a speaker over the air?
Jeremy is not a hoarder by any stretch of the imagination, but he certainly is in the camp “we might need this later” which, every once in a while, is true. So the decluttering is hard for him. He is a person who likes talking through things and likes company and even though I have done much decluttering without input from him, he asked me to sit down with him to sort through this stuff together. The wire collection is 100% his and I would have not known what is “important” or not, so I would have thrown everything away except for the extension cords and the Apple lightning cables – but we did not because Jeremy explained each thing-y to me as we decided together what stayed and what went.
