Author: Doris

On July 3rd, Vince hosted a party at the house. About ten kids, eating pizza and chips. I think Max got fed lots of pizza bones. When we got up in the morning we found a whole slice of pizza sitting right outside our bedroom door. Was Max so full that she couldn’t eat the last slice of pizza she found? I went to work at the hospital early in the morning, by the time I got home, Max had peed five times all around the house. Jeremy had stripped cushion covers off two couches, ripped the quilt and down comforters off of our bed and wet vac-ed numerous spots. I groaned. I’m like we have some crazy diabetic dog where we’ll have to give insulin shots Q4 hours. But it turns out that Max is probably just incontinent. Because, as the vet says, she’s a senior dog. I’m like – how is she a senior dog? She’s the new dog. The new dog we got 9 years ago.

Jeremy is experimenting with turkey for Thanksgiving. Really though, my parents left us this large turkey when they went to the West Coast and we need to empty the freezer chest to defrost it sometime this summer. He took the turkey breast off of the turkey, tied it in a tube and then sous vide it for many hours. It turned out perfectly evenly cooked, but kinda not palatable. One could not help comparing it to spam.

I had a difficult shift at the hospital on Thursday. I think I should be able to better handle the situations and be emotionally/physically resilient as time moves on, but it is not true. I spent a lot of time on Friday and today napping and fretting about going back to work tomorrow. Jeremy is trying to tell me that it’s just the way I see things – that I think there should be some satisfying and definitive solution to a flawed world. He thinks I should just accept a flawed world and that the world will always be flawed and we can only move the world towards being slightly less flawed.

Nothing makes one feel old like trying to explain to your son how exactly you managed, in the past, to drive to new and unfamiliar places without using Google maps. Today Vince took the car to Rockville Town Square and to the Giant. I had to then explain to him about parking validation and the bonus card use at the grocery store and to not forget the recyclable bags.

Jeremy is not sleeping well, it’s T minus one week until they leave for New Mexico for Philmont. He got up at 3 am flustered about the things that needed to get done. He started writing emails to parents, but decided it was too creepy to have an email sent at 3:30 am and so he scheduled to send them out at 8 am. Problems are cropping up and he’s hitting them down like those pesky moles in the whack-a-mole machine. Problems like 1) a previously undisclosed peanut allergy which means not only epi pens and benadryl, but also needing to replace all the hiking food that the camp usually provides for this kid because what else is eaten on the trail besides peanuts and peanut butter? 2) his own medical form which involves getting his own physical (whoops, he was busy collecting everyone else’s and forgot his own) and 3) a balance of $5,000 or so of fees.

Vince got his driver’s license today. He failed a few weeks ago because there was a stop sign behind a tree that he missed and ran through it (the sign, not the tree). This time, he told me, the stop sign was so completely obscured by the foliage that the tester said – hey, there is a stop sign behind that tree. He was nervous today, much more nervous than a few weeks ago when he was much more cocky and irritatingly talking smack. This time he said as he got into the car to drive to the DMV, let’s not talk, I’m going to listen to my music to calm myself down.

After he passed, he promptly asked to borrow the car for the afternoon. He said he was going to Walgreen’s to buy ring pops and drop them off at his friends’ houses. I said sure, no problem, just also go to the grocery store and pick up some hamburger buns and tater tots for dinner. And then he said – I’ll do that if you pay for the ring pops too. I was like – dude, our insurance just doubled, you sure you want to bargain about this now? And then he laughed and we ate ramen to celebrate.

Another Northern Tier video: (I will say this kind of embodies Vince’s talent that will be completely buried in the college application process which I think will serve him well. Jeremy & I both were saying that neither of us, under absolutely no circumstances would we sing and dance to Hooked on a Feeling in front of people who are essentially strangers that we were going to spend the next 7 days with and have only been with them for 24 hours.)

Jeremy got up very early this morning to bike to work. I could see his little icon on Google maps get closer and closer to his office. As soon as he pulled into work, I call him. Hey – I need you to be free on Aug 2nd to drive Vince to Pittsburg. Tom wants a meeting with us either Friday or Sat – are you free in the afternoons? And then we need to plan to make 180 meals on Friday August 23rd, are you free to take off work then? Jeremy’s like – omg, it’s only been hours since everyone is back home and really? are we doing this now? please Doris, I haven’t eaten anything, I just got to work. I walk over to Vince’s room to talk to him about various things that need to get done this summer. Vince is snoring in bed. I’m like – people it is already 10am, let’s get our act together, time’s a-wastin’. There are things to be done, lists to be written and to-do items to be crossed off… lol.

A northern tier video for your entertainment.

We are all back in the house together. Wonderful! You can feel the house expand with chaos and extra laundry, but that is OK. I’ll take it. On Saturday, Edda and I went to see Toy Story 4. I cried. Edda did not cry. I think she might have napped. She certainly slapped someone else’s Coke for a long time and totally bent their straw before I took notice.

We also happened by a Shibu Inu adoption event. I momentarially thought that we should get one of these dogs.

I spent a long time on Saturday quilting. Edda watched TV and napped. I listened to podcasts and am trying to catch up with the world. The Ezra Klein podcast – esp the one with Leana Wen who is now the head of Planned Parenthood. I would love to work for her. I’m working through the Cory Booker interview as well. He uses the word “love” a lot for a guy. Sometimes I listened to millenial women/dating podcasts. Fascinating. I’m not sure I could be a young person today.

Passport photos for everyone. No one can travel out of the country until everything gets renewed. Although we have no immediate travel plans, I do like being able to leave the country at any time. Like 3pm today! Let’s go somewhere. Oh no! I can’t. I’m getting my mammogram. No international travel for me today.

Fantastic! I am beside myself with happiness that women are the frontrunners after the first two debates. I’m surprised at how happy I am. Personally, I don’t feel a strong affinity for identity politics mainly because I try to identify myself firstly as human – just like you are human and thus we are 99.999999% the same with minor differences that makes everything interesting. Being cisgender, a scientist/engineer, female, she/her, Asian, short, passive-aggressive, American, pro-choice, mother of a disabled child, child of Chinese immigrants, introvert, risk-averse, lover of mountains, hater of phone calls, doesn’t really separate me from you very much (I acknowledge this might come from a lifetime of privilege, but also my personality. Just ask Jeremy.) Actually, I think there are only two groups of people: people who are assholes and people who are not assholes. Most of us flutter between the two categories depending on the situation, but have a tendency towards one or the other. The worst are the people who are assholes but think they are are not assholes. I have a glimmer of hope that perhaps I will not be completely embarrassed to say that I’m American in a few years.

I’m looking forward to this movie (go Awkwafina!):

I’m spending my extra time starting to delve into college applications for Vince. Like which ones are the common applications and what the general due dates are. Jeremy said – do not deluge Vince with college crap the minute he walks into the door. I said – I will try, I will try. This is very difficult for me. Vince is talented in many ways and I know this because (well, mainly because I see/talk to him a lot, but I do discount my own personal interaction with him because I’m clearly biased, how can I possibly have an unbiased opinion?) I have many, many other parents/teachers pull me aside and tell me – you know what Vince did? and they tell me some heartwarming story and then they say – he’s a good guy. But none of this is measured in GPAs or SAT scores which I care about TREMENDOUSLY for myself, but to Vince it’s something to work at, but not something to obsess over. Which is fine rationally speaking – I understand this and I’m intellectually ok with this, but emotionally and ego speaking, it’s really hard for me to be at peace with this. The only way I managed to stay out of this measurable crap and self enforce my own personal pact to not Asian-mom and hover over Vince all junior year was to be out of the house trapped in the bathroom with someone else’s grandmother who needed help so she wouldn’t fall and smash her noggin on the cold, hard tile (there is crap there too). I know if Vince had spent the time getting 4.0 with a 1550 on his SATs I would have been like – OMG, he spent too much time studying because there is no chance he’d get into any of the top 10 schools anyways and wasted all the time he could have used to have fun or make friends or fall in love, or we could have had the other problem which is that he hates school and didn’t show up and has no friends and is on the internet all day delving into who knows what trouble. Jeremy is like – we have no problem. And I know we have no problem, but it doesn’t answer the question for me about what college will take an Asian male who wants to study engineering from a wealthy/competitive school district who got Bs in hard science/math classes and has a kind of decent, but not standout SAT score which in my head seems like a big problem – but I acknowledge is not really a problem. (Did I mention that Vince, in a moment of high emotion, told me that he wasn’t going to identify himself as Asian on any of his college applications? That he was white and that’s who he was. I was shocked and hurt. (Did I just say that I didn’t care about identity politics?) Vickey was like what exactly do you want? I said half joking & half seriously, I want him to declare that he’s Asian and get into Harvard anyways. Do you think they have the asshole/not asshole category on college applications? They should.)

I listen to the wind, to the wind of my soul
Where I’ll end up, well, I think only God really knows
I’ve sat upon the setting sun
But never, never, never, never
I never wanted water once
No never, never, never

I listen to my words but they fall far below
I let my music take me where my heart wants to go
I swam upon the Devil’s lake
But never, never, never, never
I’ll never make the same mistake
No, never, never, never

-Cat Stevens

I just picked up Vince from summer camp where he was the senior patrol leader and was in charge of corralling a bunch of middle schoolers for a week. I started talking about college even before we pulled into the driveway. As we walked into the house, he laughed because I had told him that Jeremy had told me to not do the exact thing I was doing at that moment and said – mom, I’m ready to do my own thing. I said to him – I hope I’m doing right by you. He gave me a big hug and lifted me off the ground and swung me around in a circle. He said – you are the best mom ever. Thanks for letting me live my own life. I’ll tell you guys all the stories when dad comes home tonight.

I made my appointment for my mammogram for next Monday. I hesitated. I procrastinated. This is why one needs good friends – ones who nudge you ever so slightly in the direction you know you should go in. Towards 3D advanced imaging which may lead to unknowably perhaps unnecessary treatment which will line the pockets of the medical industrial complex or to really save my life. Spouses are in no position to make you do things that you are hesitant to do because generally once one’s spouse tells you to do the thing that you already don’t want to do, you don’t want to do it even more.

I read an essay about menopause. I like this line: You haven’t even begun. You must pause first, the way one must always pause before a great endeavor, if only to take a good breath. I’m not sure this is true. Somedays I feel like I if I get to live to my expected age that it will certainly be enough and I will feel lucky, that I will have had my chance and I did with it what I could. And some days I think, it is not enough time at all. I will not be able to see/do all the things I want to see/do. Already things that have not been done which are becoming clearer and clearer are not going to be done are being crossed off the list at an alarming rate.

I should listen to Kristen Scott Thomas (I’ve been binge watching Fleabag, slightly depressing, but entertaining enough. I have too much time on my hands) :

I’m watching the debate on my phone as I put Edda to bed. It’s a pleasure to hear full, coherent sentences out of the mouths of many people. Jeremy & I were on the talking on the phone last night and roughly sketched out the next 5-year plan for our lives which includes getting Elizabeth Warren elected (oh yeah, it also involves helping Vince leave the nest). The last 5-year plan got flushed down the toilet when Hillary lost – I’m hoping this one turns out.

Eliana was out this afternoon, so it was me and Edda in the afternoon. We watched TV, had dumplings for dinner and sewed together.

And my summer vacation continues. I’m sleeping so well – night after night of uninterrupted sleep. I’m constantly surprised at 5:30 am when I wake up naturally with the sun and birds without a pressing, oppressive schedule. I love it and feel #blessed. A gift from heaven. I have very simple desires. They are simple, but money can not buy them.

Paul is starting to coach me in running again. I told him that I am dreaming of running a 5K under 25 minutes which I think is a reasonable goal that is achievable well into my 50s, but really, I want that feeling where you are running at a good, hard effort and you feel like you can sustain that feeling for 3-4 miles. Preferably in the woods on a fall day.

Jeremy setup his bike trainer on the sun porch at Bard. Packing is still going well.

I went to Virginia yesterday to meet up with Satya, Karuna and Vickey. Vickey brought her homemade kombucha. I’ve never had kombucha before, it was delicious. Vickey is also reminding me to set up my mammogram appointment which I have been procrastinating on.

This is the photo of the day from Bard.

Today is Max’s (fake & totally made up) birthday. She is 9! I guess I can’t consider her the new dog anymore. I picked up Vince from the airport at midnight-ish and we made it home by 1:30 am. I have not been up that late on purpose for a very, very long time. Vince was tired, but full of stories and excitement. I went to bed as soon as I came home because at 6am the next morning, Jeremy and Vince woke up to 1) drop Vince off at his regular troop’s summer camp and 2) drive to Bard to help Bob and Katherine pack.

They got to packing straight-away. Emy was there to help out. Dishes were boxed, tape guns were purchased.

So Vince and Jeremy are both out of the house this week. I’m manning the fort with Edda and Ning (& baby Noah) and Eliana this week. Edda starts camp JCC and with it, the morning and afternoon pickup runs & packed lunches and wet swimsuits and swim diapers. I did the morning drop off with Ning & baby Noah and then afternoon pickup with Eliana – so everyone should be ready to go tomorrow on their own. I did meet her lovely counselor, I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she’ll stay the summer.

I thanked Barry (the adult leader of the troop from Atlanta) profusely for letting Vince come on the trip to Northern Tier. It’s not easy planning this big outing and it makes it even harder when you are trying to tie in another scout who you don’t know and from a totally different part of the county. I see how much work Jeremy is putting in for their own trip to Philmont, it’s no easy task. And it can be hard for teenage boys to mix and make friends on trips like these when many of the boys had their dads in attendance. Vince had a great time, he says he wants to work at one of the high adventure camps – the staff person who canoed with them the whole time said that Northern Tier was the best one to work at, the staff was most like a family there and that there is no question to work there in the subsequent summers. We’ll see. There are many plans.