Author: Doris

Thursday night is usually date night, but Jeremy’s still away, so I took my mother out for a date.  We went to the Bethesda Crab House.  We took the Metro to downtown Bethesda.  My mom hasn’t ridden the metro in 30 years, so that alone was an adventure.  I’d never been to the Bethesda Crab House, but it had good reviews on Yelp and I thought my mom would like it.  As we were walking there, we both agreed that we’d have the crab cake sandwiches because how could my mom possibly dig and hammer into a crab with her broken wing?

But as soon as we saw the packed restaurant and the plates overflowing with steamed crabs, my mother changed her mind and we got a dozen medium sized crabs.  I entertained myself by watching how delighted my mother can get eating crab.

I find the work to food ratio for crab a little high.  But my mother disagrees.

Today, we went to the 2nd PT session.  The therapist remarked that mom is doing great, all her numbers for flexion/extension/etc. have improved markedly.  My mother is an overachiever.  Slowly but surely.  My mother is eager to get back to the west coast to tend after 20 tomato plants.

Vince and I are sporting matching skinned knees – his is slightly newer than mine.  Vince fell off his bike.  I tripped and fell while on a run.  We both agreed that there is a moment when you first fall when the shock of falling renders you aware of having fallen, but not yet aware of the pain.  Then you think, oh, this should really hurt and then that’s when you feel the pain.  After that, our experiences deviate.  Vince sprang up amid a gathered group of classmates who were rushing to his aid.  I got a text from a neighborhood mom who saw him fall and tried to give him a ride home.  He got back on his bike and went quickly home.  I, on the other hand, lay on the ground for half a minute doing a silent head to toe check to see if I broke anything – which, thank goodness, I did not.  Then I lay on the ground for another half minute thinking – oh,  I wish someone would text my mom and then give me a ride home.

I took mom out to lunch today.  We split an apple pie.  My mother does love a good apple pie. Remember when McDonald’s apple pie was deep fried?   That’s mom’s favorite.

Then we stopped off at Target.  I needed to buy Vince some AXE deodorant (with scents like Apollo, Phoenix, and Black Chill).

Some PT moves:  supination

and ulnar deviation.

Gotta love a boy and his dog.

If one is lucky, there is a brief (or if you are even luckier, extended) moment in mid-life where your kids are old enough to make their own peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and your parents are young enough to travel and be independent and enjoy all the benefits of their years of hard work.  I think that moment for me is right this very minute.  I’m trying to do so many things before this window of opportunity closes – I’m so enjoying everything right now (especially if I get enough sleep).

This week has provided just a tiny taste of what taking care of my parents will really mean.  I actually uttered the words, “Are you sure you don’t want to move in with us for a few weeks?”

Took mom today for her ortho follow-up after the surgery.  My mother is very trusting of the doctors.  I asked, are there screws? plates? in your arm?  Do you know if the metal is going to come out later?  Are you going to have PT?  No one is really sure.  Hmmm.  So I saw the x-ray today.  There is one huge plate running down the proximal ulnar bone with about 9 screws holding it in place.  There is one screw that appears to be going in diagonally through the joint.  I’m not even sure what that one is there for. Mom shattered the elbow end of the ulna into a million pieces.  Thank God it wasn’t her hip.

Ten days in the splint has rendered the elbow and wrist both stiff.  So we made it to PT where flexion, extension, range of motion were all measured.  Mom’s going to do PT exercises every hour (!) to try and regain the full range of motion.  So it means PT sessions 2-3 times a week for 2-3 months.   So dad is working in TN and I’m here handling PT sessions with Mom.  I love you, Mom!  It’s no trouble really.

Mom did invite me out to lunch after a morning full of bone-related appointments.  I declined citing that I actually needed to do some work.  You know, to pay the mortgage.

Bro,
You are totally buying me a very nice dinner somewhere for doing your half of the driving.
Love,
Sis

Jeremy’s out of town for 10 days.  He’s rarely gone for the weekend, but this weekend he’s not here.   It’s just me, Edda and Vince.  The weekend was so beautiful, all the windows in the house were wide open to bring the outside to the inside.  Vince likes to make sure Edda is well hydrated.

I’m trying to teach Vince how to study.  He is falling behind in Chinese because he’s having trouble remembering how to write the characters.  We got an app for flashcards and I’m teaching him what it really means to study efficiently.  He kind of groans, but he puts up with it.   It does take 40 minutes to go through the stack.  It’s not easy for Vince to understand that these things take diligent work and that work is sometimes tedious and boring.  I’m actually going through the flashcards at the same time with Vince.  Maybe it means that I’ll be literate in Chinese someday.  Vince does score better than I do on being able to recall the characters.  It’s been many years since I’ve written any Chinese words, it’s interesting to see what I can still remember.  Of course, I know only the complicated characters and Vince knows only simplified.

Christine introduced Vince to ketchup flavored potato chips.  Gross.  Blech.

Put a compass point on my house and trace a circle with a radius of 5 miles and I do not like to go outside that line.  Therefore Virginia is like a foreign country to me.  Land of Republicans, guns, drive through liquor stores and cheaper gas – I let stereotyping take me far.  Despite it’s more conservative reputation, VA actually provides much more in disability services than MD.   My VA Rett friends have gotten home/car modifications and childcare in the form of nurses showing up at their doorstep (although I know funding is drying up and so these things are harder to get).  So I know I can be wrong about VA.  What gives, MD?  Plus, my most, most liberal friend does live in the heart of VA.  So maybe I’m totally wrong.

In the past week, I’ve been to Virginia four times.   Traversing the Beltway during rush hour is not something that I’m used to.  I’m not even really used to driving a car.  It’s been a little bit out of my comfort zone.

The last time I went to VA was yesterday.  My pal, Vickey, bought her dream house and I went to get the full tour.  I mostly admired the curtains her mom made for her.  I think I might need to hire her mom to make some curtains for me.  Vickey has a toddler and the curtains in his room have blackout fabric sewn into the backing of the curtain.  It occurred to me that I could do that for Edda so she won’t wake up so early in the summer.  Of course, I could have thought of it 10 years ago when I had Edda.  Or even 12 years ago when I had Vince.  I’m a little behind on my to-do list.

Above:  Charlotte, the dog, getting a post-muddy-walk bath in the brand new sink in the brand new kitchen in the brand new house.
Below: Goat eating the vegetation on a patch of forest in Vickey’s community – they are using goats instead of herbicide.

Yesterday, I went to Edda’s 4th grade choral concert.  There were perfomances during the school day for the other grades and in the evening for parents.   Edda (and I) skipped the evening performance – Edda’s teacher would have had to come in during the evening (she was happy to do it and offered it kindly) – but something about being surrounded by ten thousand excited parents with iPhones and iPads aloft would have been too much for me (although maybe not, it’s always hard to predict).

Anyways, during the day, I could touch base with all the staff that works with Edda everyday.  I don’t go into school very often and Edda’s been at the same school since kindergarden, so I like to head in when I have occasion to do so.  I asked all of them if they were working this summer and none of them are, they are all taking a well-deserved break. “Two weeks left!” – like a mantra.

Always beforehand, with these things, I fully expect to feel sad.  And I do.  But Edda’s teachers and aides were all so clearly happy and excited for Edda and rushed up to me when I was walking down the hall towards the classroom. They told me that Edda was so happy all morning for the performance and that she was excited that I was coming to watch.  It’s hard to feel so melancholy among other people’s excitement.  So I was really that odd mix of happy and sad at the same time.  Bittersweet?  I don’t like that that word starts with bitter.  Sweetbitter?  Not that either.  Someday I will find the right word.

There is something odd about a choral concert for a kid who can’t talk.  There were some instrumental sections – that was Edda’s part – Ms. Z helped her hold castanets and shake them with the beat and Edda was happy and pleased.  She does love a good song.

Fourth grade!  Time goes by so quickly.  I remember when Edda was little like this guy (he’s being held by one of Edda’s former teachers):

Right after Dave left, Denise (au pair #3) came to visit us for a few days.  Ah, Denise! It was so nice to see her.  We went to the zoo, a yoga class, got our nails done and a few lunches.  What would I do without the kind, caring people who take care of Edda? I would stress out a lot more.  I enjoy being a stand-in mom to these girls.  Denise is starting the process of getting a motorcycle licence.  I told Denise sternly to not get a motorcycle.  It’s the motherly thing to do.  I think she might have listened.  Maybe not, I can only try.

A few photos from the zoo.  Memorial Day at the National Zoo.  It was hot.  The parking lot was full and cars were being directed away – but with Edda we managed a spot right near the front entrance.

Running through the cooling sprinklers.

Hello prairie dog!

Jeremy and Edda watching the sea lion (?) otter (?) walrus (?) manatee (?).  I dunno.  Oh!  And we did see the baby panda.  He was a small bundle of fur high up in a tree.